"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Friday, January 30, 2009

I have a black thumb*

So it puzzles me to no end that people always want to give me plants. There is a reason I have no plants -- they all died! I killed them! And if I didn't kill them they committed hari-kari so they could at least choose death on their own terms.

The really sad part is that I come from gardening folks. Even now when my granny is blind, her plants thrive and grow. In fact, she has broken off umpteen pieces of one plant in the hopes I could coax it into a full blown plant. Now, mind you, HER plant is about 20 years old. Imagine how many pieces of that plant she has broken off to give me that I have killed, while her plant lives on. Think about that.

Mr. SingLikeSassy left me in charge of the plants one summer while he was traveling with the band. I forgot there were plants until I went out on the balcony one day to do something and was like, OH DAMN! A couple of really hardy things survived but everything else was dead. He was not amused.

*And for those who know me, yes, I have a *black* thumb, too. HAHAHAHA!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Some women get excited about shoes and purses...

I, on the other hand, get excited by things like this:

Fisker Karma :::drooling::

D.C. Voting Rights

Are we getting a smidge closer?
For once, a roomful of members of Congress managed to debate the shame of this democracy with only one cavalierly telling half a million people that if they really want voting rights, all they need do is move.
Read the rest of Marc Fisher's column.

If you read this blog, don't live in this city, but are a U.S. citizen, please write to your member of Congress urging them to take action on this issue. Thanks.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It ain't right. It just ain't right.

This infertility thing is getting out of control...

Remember a few posts ago when I said I was getting extra about the (non)baby-making? To prove how over the top I have become, there's this: last weekend Mr. SLS asked me if we aren't able to have a child would I regret marrying him because if I had married someone else I would likely have the family I want.

This made me cry because I don't want my husband feeling like I view him as some broken baby-making machine. I don't want to have A baby, I want to have HIS baby, OUR baby.

I don't regret marrying him, but if we don't have a child together I'll regret it but not because I might have had a family if I had married someone else, but because I wanted to share the experience of raising a child with Mr. SLS that has his beautiful brown eyes, sweet disposition and musical talent (<--yes, I know this is not guaranteed) and wouldn't get to do so. I don't want a little me (lawd knows we don't need a hateful selfish petulant spoiled mini me!), I want a little him.

But the question just underscored what I had already realized, which is that I am on 98 with this baby stuff and I need to ramp it back. I'm too much right now.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

V-Day Giveaway over at Stylin' & Profilin'

All you stylish folks need to get on over to Stylin' & Profilin' and enter her Valentine's Day giveaway.

It's snowing...

and I didn't schedule any posts last night because I was working on a project. I promise to do better!!

Monday, January 26, 2009

I love that little Sasha Obama

Maybe it's because she's the baby and she's still young enough to show all her excitement and exuberance without being embarrassed, I don't know, but something about her always makes me smile when I see her in a photo.

I was reading a post on another blog about how the first family might help kill some of the stereotypes of the broken black family, the deadbeat dad, the single mom with multiple children etc. and some people were angry that it would even be suggested that the images of Barack and Michelle showing intimacy and love would have any impact on how people see the black family.

There are a lot of cup half empty mofos, I tell ya.

Every time I see them show affection for each other, be it the fist bump, the wedding photo on the bench, the handholding in the parade, the lean in kiss in the elevator, I think, damn, they love each other. Maybe it's because the Bushes were older and less expressive (though I believe that George really loves Laura). Maybe it's because Hillary always seemed pissed off with Bill and there wasn't a lot of chemistry between them. But, isn't it nice to see a little regular folk love for a change?

And maybe tangentially it will have some affect on the marriage rate in America.

Or, maybe it won't.

I still like it though. Do you?

Housecleaning items

It's the beginning of the year and one of the things I do in January is pull a credit report to check its accuracy and make sure there are no erroneously reported items on it.

You can get three free credit reports a year, so take advantage of that people. Knowing your credit rating and knowing how much you owe is just one step in financial responsibility.

Friday, January 23, 2009

"Treat my first like my last and last like my first"

The last five songs I listened to on my iPod.

Our "guest" is gone

He left last week long before my firm deadline (which was today) for him being out of our house. He has his own place now and a new job.

Amazing what folks can do when you say mofo yo' ass can't stay here indefinitely so you betta get on the good foot.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Three years down, a lifetime to go!

Three years ago today, I met Mr. SingLikeSassy.

Since I wrote about our meeting and first few months of dating in an essay back then that I posted some months ago, I won't rehash, I'll simply link to that old post: Misty water-colored memories

I will say that everyday, I love him a little bit more. I'm surprised sometimes at that...

You know what else is interesting? Feeling like you know a person, but still learning about them at the same time. 

Mr. SLS has taught me a lot about how to love someone and how to be loved by someone. How to be open. How to trust. How to communicate. How to step out on faith. How to bend. How to share.

And he KNOWS me. He GETS me. A good example of that is when I came home from the baby shower last weekend, he had some flowers waiting for me. He had anticipated that I might be upset or sad (I was more nostalgic, actually) because we haven't gotten pregnant yet. Now honestly, a hug and some woo woo wooos would have been enough if I *had* been upset, but he tried to anticipate my needs. You know?

Plus, it's the little things. I mentioned recently that when I was a kid, "Snoopy Come Home" was my favorite Peanuts cartoon. When he got home in the wee hours of Wednesday morning after being stuck with the military for nearly two days, sleeping on a cot and up to all hours of the night rehearsing and playing for the inaugural ball (he saw Michelle's dress up close and personal and said he liked it), "Snoopy Come Home" was in his hand. Completely made up for the snow day groceries. LOL!

Again, he's not perfect, I'm not perfect. Nothing's perfect. But this thing we got workin' is great. On that note, I'm signing off. And I pray that every and anybody who wants love and commitment gets and keeps it. 

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Missed opportunities

I was out with some women that I went to college with this weekend and one of them, who got married a few months before I did to her longtime beau, was talking about how her husband drives her crazy and was playfully bashing marriage.

This made everyone turn to me and ask, well how do you like being married? I felt like I was supposed to say something along the lines of what the other woman had said, but that hasn't been my experience so I told the truth: I like being married.

This made the other woman say, well y'all keep talking to her then so you can get the positive view of marriage. But I sensed she was irritated with me because I didn't choose to husband bash.

What I wanted to say but didn't was, Mr. SingLikeSassy and I will have known each other three years on Jan. 22. We're still honeymooning and getting to know each other when you think about it. She dated her husband longer and there's more history there, good and bad.

I do have to admit that sitting there looking around at this group of women I was surprised at how many were unhappily unattached. These were the smart, cute, popular, always flyy ladies who drew many many many more dates and admirers than I ever did. Like I have said time and time again, I was never *that* chick. (I should note that even though I went to college with these ladies, they weren't my friends, but my best friend's friends that she grew up with so I don't socialize with them regularly. Events for my friend are what bring us all together sporadically).

I just expected them to have the husband, the 2.5 kids, the house, the career and all the "perfect life" trappings because it always seemed like their lives were so charmed.

The truth is likely that I was so busy feeling intimidated by their prettiness or the attention they got from guys or their cute clothes and petite bodies and long hair that I never noticed that everything was not perfect. Nobody's perfect.

And I definitely missed the chance to develop friendships with some of them because of all that inner angst conversation I had going on. I mean it was surprising to me how genuinely happy they seemed to see me, with hugs and everything.

But we're never too old to get out of our own way. Are we?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Congratulations President Obama!

Best of luck to you and your family for the next four years.

Monday, January 19, 2009

My mama is hawt!

I snapped these pics of Mama SingLikeSassy, Auntie SingLikeSassy and their friend before they left for their inaugural ball tonight.

My mama is hawt!

Auntie is pretty smokin' too!

And here we have my mom's friend, my mom and my auntie all decked out in their minks.

Snow provisions

Last Friday Mr. SLS went to the store to get some provisions because they were calling for snow. Here's what he brought back:

2 frozen pizzas
2 cases of sparkling water
1 bag of potato chips
1 box of crackers
1 container of chocolate-covered almonds

Now, other than the sparkling water, I don't like any of that. Sigh.

Sisterly love?

My mama has a strong personality. And so does her sister. And the two of them together don't mix well because my mother is a planner but flexible, and my aunt is a fretter and unable to easily adapt to change. These two ladies get into it every time they travel together which is every time they travel. Why do they continue to travel together? I don't know! I ask my mama that every.time.she.plans.a.trip.

Like, for example, this inauguration trip. Last summer my mom said she wanted to come up here for the 2009 inauguration no matter who won because she had never been and she wanted to experience it all. I said, if you want to "experience it all" then leave Aunt SLS at home cause you know how she is and how ya'll get when you travel together. My mama laughed and said, that is the truth, but then said if she didn't ask her Aunt SLS's feelings would be hurt and all this jazz. I said, OK, but remember I warned you.

And, just as I predicted, the drama started back in August and has been building ever since. Today, I believe it's about to reach a fever pitch.

My day started off with my stomach hurting terribly and interrupting my sleep -- though I don't know how my stomach can hurt when all I had was some peanuts, and nothing is wrong with Mr. SLS's stomach even though I watched him eat two taquitos from 7-11 last night -- so I was moving slow. They hit the streets to go to some museums and do some MLK day stuff.

Now, I told them when they left, Mr. SLS would be leaving midday-ish and wouldn't be back until the wee hours of Wednesday a.m. as the military has him locked up for this inaugural ball gig. He would be taking his car because he cannot drive my manual shift vehicle. As a result, they would need to take a cab back because my car only seats two people -- me and a passenger -- and the Metro is a little too far away for them to walk.

They have called here asking me every variation on how to get back here because my aunt is driving my mama crazy about getting back here. The last time they called Mr. SLS talked to them and said what I said the other 7 times! It seems MY saying take a cab and here is the address wasn't sufficient.

But anyway, Mr. SLS said when he talked to them the last time he heard my mama say in the background, I'm sick of this, stop calling my child! How about, we take the cab and leave yo' worrisome ass out here in the cold!

I'll tell you who I really feel sorry for: Ms. Frieda and Ms. Joyce. Those are the two friends who are WITH my mama and her sister.

A friend writes about MLK day

I don’t work on Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday. A few years ago, I just stopped doing it and decided to take a personal day instead. The federal holiday occasionally falls near my birthday or sometimes, like this year, on my birthday.

It took years for me to arrive at my decision. As a journalist, I attended King events with civil rights leaders for whatever community I was covering at the time. I heard passionate speeches and calls to keep the dream alive. I was reminded, more than once, that I wouldn’t be able to sit leisurely on a park bench if it hadn’t been for all of those who stood up for my rights. They were right, and I started to resent that I couldn't celebrate the holiday like I wanted. A holiday is a day of rest, a time to reflect, and I couldn't do that very well while working.
Read the rest of Why I Don’t Work on King Day, by Monique Fields.

Happy birthday Dr. King

Sunday, January 18, 2009

**Spotlight Question**

Some people show off their beauty because they want the world to see it. Others try to hide their beauty because they want the world to see something else.
-- from "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"

Which one are you?

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Feeling verklempt

Looking at my friend today with her little baby belly just brought back all the memories of our many apartments and animals and boyfriends and college and pledging and broken hearts and hat to da back moments and loves and losses and just everything from the past 18 years.

We are GROWN. We used to do the dance routines from music videos in our living room!

She is about to be somebody's MOM. We wrapped up chicken wings as Christmas gifts for our cat, Indigo!

We have homes and rental properties. We used to split $20 on groceries for the month!

Biggie, Biggie Give Me One More Chance

First things first, I, SingLikeSassy, will be in the audience for the biopic "Notorious" this weekend.

No, not because I have much hope for the movie being any good, the bad weaves and wigs I see in the promos killed that, but the music? Baby BAY-bay! UNGH!

I’m not very versed in rap, but the Notorious B.I.G. aka Biggie Smalls was able to draw me -- and millions of other listeners -- in with the sampled track on “Big Poppa,” which wasn’t his first hit, but it was the first one that I put in the CD rotation.

The sampled tune was familiar -- the Isley Brothers’ “Between the Sheets” -- and any regular quiet storm listener knew that slow groove from the 1980s.

But while the Isleys set the mood for, um, romance, Biggie’s version had us all bobbin’ and singing:
I love it when you call me Big POP-pa

Throw ya hands in the aiiiir, if youse a true playaaa

Yeah, Biggie wasn’t cute. He had a scattered eye, always sounded like he had a nose full of snot, and even described himself as “heartthrob never, black and ugly as ever.”

But he had swagger. He was a self-proclaimed playa president who stayed Gucci down to the socks, rings and watch filled with rocks. He lived in mansions and Benzes, giving ends to his friends, which apparently feels stupendous. He was the man girlfriend!

So when Biggie told us we could find him in the back of the club sipping Moet, we begged him to give us “One More Chance,” ‘cause he had the good love. You didn’t know?

And there were lessons to be learned from Biggie, too, such as “Mo Money Mo Problems."

Now, he gets one more chance to “Hypnotize” us with his words and flashy ways in the theatre.

And if you don’t know, now you knowwww…

Friday, January 16, 2009

**Spotlight Question**

Would you buy a fixer upper house and renovate or are you a new construction only homeowner?


From the Carolyn Hax chat on washingtonpost.com today:

I hope this makes sense. : I know we all have our prejudices, but how much prejudice rules someone out as a dating partner? Over our second date, the guy I've been seeing revealed (through casual conversation) his attitudes toward several different minority groups. They are attitudes I happen to share, but I have always been of the belief that you keep those things to yourself, at least until you're in the privacy of your home or family. Should I be put off by the fact that he was so vocal about his prejudices, or can I overlook them since we happen to "match" in that area? (By the way, I like him a lot otherwise.)

Carolyn Hax: I've read this about three times and I still don't know what to say.

If you're judging individuals based on your opinion of the demographic group(s) to which they belong, then I guess all I can say is that if you hit it off, please don't raise children to share your views.

Ridding society of prejudice isn't about having the social awareness not to utter prejudices in public. It's about recognizing the fundamental flaw in judging people based on incomplete, often wrong and, in most cases, superficial information. So, no, don't date this angry and ignorant person.

The longer you put off walking a mile in others' shoes, the more it's going to hurt.
WAIT! There's more!

Prejudice girl : I'm hesitant to answer this question, since my first one apparently reflected really badly on me. But anyway, the guy works in the court system and just moved into a gentrifying neighborhood. When we talked about his job, he shared a number of anecdotes about _________s blaming everyone but themselves for their perpetual trouble with the law. When we talked about his recent move, he told me about a family of __________s who left him a series of nasty, inarticulate notes asking him to quit driving up the property values in their neighborhoods.

Basically, he and I are conservative types who are of the mind that people should take responsbility for themselves, and we resent that some minority groups still want to make excuses and cast blame everywhere else. It was a deep conversation and he could tell from my responses that I was receptive to his viewpoint.

Carolyn Hax: Yah. White people never make excuses or bring down property values.

But no, it's not over yet! Still one more gem:

Prejudice girl again: Oh, and we are both opposed to the "gay rights" fight, which came up because I floated an innocent question about the upcoming inauguration. So I guess it's my fault he outed himself, if you want to call it that.

Carolyn Hax: If you know you look bad--and you do--will that turn your attention inward? Will it take your having a gay child, or one who marries out of your race or faith? Or will you stick to your pat groupings as the last word on a person's worth?

I do appreciate your answering our questions. While it's no picnic, reading through my mail and the outtakes of these discussions is one of the most useful things I do with my time--not just professionally, but personally. Nothing like having my world views and mind sets and guiding beliefs/assumptions put to hostile scrutiny to keep at least part of me skeptical of my own reasoning and choices. So, I hope there's something here that you find useful.

Getting mad at yourself...and then getting even.

Last night I was piddling about the house and thinking about how I need to go get a gift to take to my friend's baby shower on Saturday.

Now, this is my best friend. I have already sent five big baby things she wanted to her home up North, but I want to get something personal for her to take with me to this D.C. shower. As I was thinking about it though, I got teary reflecting on how I wanted a baby and might never have one.

Then, I got mad with myself. Here's a take on my inner monologue: First, this is her baby shower it aint about me and my infertility issues so stop boohooing and get your face and attitude right on this thing.

I'm mostly mad because, while I started out pretty rational and balanced on this thing, as time passes and my womb remains barren, I'm creeping across the line to irrational bitterness. And these past two weeks in particular I have said and twittered and blogged every hateful thought I could. I'm turning rotten inside.

None of that is going to make me a mom. All it will do is make me lonely and ugly. No one wants to be around negativity and sourness.

So, from this moment on, I'm fixing my face and attitude.

When you get your husband, talk to me about mine

A few days ago a recently married friend reached out to me and Shades of Reality to ask how she should have handled a conversation that happened with a single friend. The 5 cent version is that the single friend told the married friend she shouldn't be cooking for her husband because he wasn't working right now (he was laid off and hasn't found new employment).

Two problems here, from my perspective.

First, it ain't none of her damn business how that couple has set up their marriage. If that woman likes to cook for her husband and he's eating it and they are happy, I say keep rattling the pans.

Secondly, single chick was kinda stank when she shared her unsolicited opinion about the situation that was none of her damn business. Now, as I have noted in recent posts, I am trying to be a softer, gentler SingLikeSassy because my husband is a nice guy and rarely gets ugly (but when he does ya betta sit yo' ass down!). That said, my response to her was that she should have mushed old girl in the face. Meet stank at stank. LOL!

Shades of Reality, being so much nicer than me, made some valuable points about how it's easy to say what you won't do before you get married, but often once you are in the relationship you may find yourself doing some of those things (within reason) because you love the other person, they like it and you want to make them happy. The same applies to your mate. Relationships are about give and take.

I agree.

There are things some of my friends say they won't do that I do. A small example is fixing my husband's plate. Some of my friends see this as catering to a man and they REFUSE to cater to man. OK, whateva. ::shrugs::

Mr. SLS will fix and has fixed my plate. But, more importantly, he cleans the kitchen after I cook and serve us. I hate cleaning the kitchen and he's not as skilled a cook as I am. So, what some see as me catering to my man is really us performing the roles that work best for us in our marriage.

I suspect some of the friends who find fault with this may find themselves compromising in some way or another once they are in relationships. It can't be your way all of the time.

Have you encountered situations where friends offer unsolicited (and unwanted) commentary about things you do for your mate? Are there things you thought you would *never* do that you find yourself happily doing now because it makes your mate happy?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

"We gon' party like it's ya birthday!" -- 50 Cent

I'm planning a birthday party for Mr. SLS, which is fun for me because I was raised in a family that really celebrates birthdays as though they are holidays. My brother's birthday is 7 days before mine, and we both always had blowout parties (if we wanted them) growing up. Even now, when I am on the right side of 35, I can expect to get calls/cards from every member of my family (except my brother, which is fodder for another post on another day) on my birthday.

In my husband's family birthdays weren't really celebrated and many times weren't remembered or acknowledged when he was growing up. (I remember being amazed at this when he told me. No bells? No whistles? No confetti? No live band? No gifts? No cake? No nothin?! Wha?!!) As a result, he always says don't make a big deal about it, but I do anyways and he loves it.

This year is a milestone birthday and I am throwing him a party. Since he's never had a party thrown for him I decided I should talk to him about what he wanted, rather than spring something on him. As I suspected, he wants a quieter production than the blowout bash I am already planning in my head for when I reach the same benchmark birthday next year. LOL!

Do ya'll celebrate birthdays or is it just another day on the calendar?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

**Spotlight question**

If your fiance lost his job and was having trouble finding a new one, would you give him your engagement ring to hock so he could pay his bills and get out of debt?

A Mr. SingLikeSassy Moment

Welcome to the new occasional feature, "A Mr. SingLikeSassy Moment," where he throws some questions into the blogosphere to spark conversation.

Today's question: At what point do you cross the line from helping a friend or family member to hindering them by being a crutch?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

It's not the pale moon that delights me

I need a vacation. This holiday season was the first time in about 7 years that I didn't take the Christmas and New Years weeks off.

It's also the first year in I don't know how long that I only took one trip. I gotta get back on my travel sked.

We've been discussing going to Guadalajara to visit my friend there, but haven't moved beyond discussion. And she just asked me again so I need to make a decision soon.

I also didn't go home all last year(!) which is crazy as I think that's the first year EVER that I didn't go down South. I need to make at least a weekend trip to see my grandmothers.

But the biggest hold up is I've been trying to hold on to my vacay for maternity leave purposes. Even though we haven't made one move in that direction this year. (not my fault, Mr. SLS needs to get on the horn and work something out).

OK, this is rambling and meandering and pointless. What's on your minds today?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Do you have the life you want?

This story from The New York Times made me think about the trajectory of my professional life and whether I have ended up in the place I was aiming for...the answer is no.

However, that's not a bad thing. The medium in which I began my career is faltering. It's not the place to be right now, though I pray it will find its footing and revive or transform itself soon. Long before things were on shaky ground, I jumped into another, less popular (at the time) area because it seemed interesting and a place I could make a mark. I've learned a lot, am quite marketable now and am earning more money than I thought I would ever earn in this business. The skills I have now can translate to other industries.

That said, I'm itching to pursue a dream I never acknowledged as attainable. Mr. SingLikeSassy has made me realize it's not as out of reach as I had previously thought. I'm doing things now so that I can attain that dream.

But back to my original question: do you have the life you want? If not, why not and what are you doing about it?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I straightened my situation out...

Yesterday I went to my regular hair appointment ready to just have her blow my hair straight and style it. I was tired of being nappy. By the time I got to the salon I had decided that my natural hair run was at an end.

As I said in this post from last summer, I'd always wanted to grow a natural and it was easier to manage on a daily basis than my relaxed hair, but I never liked the way I looked with my hair in its natural state. Yesterday was the final straw for me. I wanted to look and feel cute again and when I left the salon, I did. Mr. SLS confirmed it when he met me for drinks after my hair appointment. When he saw me he said, "Hey, heyyyyyyy" with a big grin on his face and gave me that good sugar.

What's funny is I have been going to the same stylist for the past 9 years (with a break in there for when I had braids once, another terrible look for me) and after she cut and relaxed my hair, all the people in the salon at the time (most of the clientele there are regulars so we know each other via the chair) said some variation of, "Uh-oh she's back!" I feel confident I made the right decision.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Do people still marry their high school sweethearts?

Could you have married your high school sweetheart? Did you? I can't imagine never dating anyone after high school other than the dude I was dating in high school.

Did you get married in your early 20s? Did you want to? I'm always surprised at people who are mature enough and know themselves enough at such a young age that they can MARRY someone else and create a life with them...

Friday, January 9, 2009

Moving along...

MonicaMingo (aka Rantings of a Creole Princess) just posted this video over on Twitter and took me back to my first real date in a car with a boy:

We stopped for gas and he had a sunroof and this came on the radio while he was pumping the gas. I remember leaning back and looking up through the sunroof at the stars and feeling so excited. Let's forget for a minute that the lyrics are about a woman talking about cheating with someone's husband. It was a beautiful summer night and my mama had let me go out on a date! With a boy! In a car! I will always remember that when I hear this song.

Enough is enough and too much stinks like sh*t

Mr. SingLikeSassy is a good man and a great friend. Off and on for the past couple of months we've been putting up his friend who is having marital troubles. About every two weeks or so the friend calls with the wife yelling in the background and asks if he can come stay at our house. He comes for a couple of days, then he and wifey makes up, she comes to get him and all his shit and he moves back home.

The last time this happened -- right before Christmas -- I told Mr. SLS that dude couldn't come back cause our house wasn't a damn flophouse and that he needed to let his friend know NOW so he wouldn't be calling us while he's standing outside in the snow/rain/cold with all his shit in trash bags, he would know to call a cab to take his ass to a motel or relative or some other friend's house.

Now to some of you that may seem cold, especially since said friend is unemployed, has no car and has been Mr. SLS's friend since the 9th grade. That's 20+ years. However, I don't know this mofo like that, we ain't got that history, these people are fussing and fighting and cuttin' the fool up in my house and on my phone and I'm not having it. Plus this mofo don't never call 'til he needs something. Not ever. Eating up all my damn food and sitting up my couch and shit. Damn all that. Yeah, ice cold, that's me.

Well, Mr. SLS didn't have that talk with his friend -- who just picked up the last of his shit on Sunday from the *last* time she put him out -- cause he felt this time they were on the serious mend and there would be no more troubles. I gave him the side-eye, but didn't press it, figuring he knew more than I did.

Well guess who the hell just called here with the wife screaming in the background? Now in the past I haven't said anything, but this time I got on the phone and told both of them to shut the hell up. She tried to keep talking as she was determined to tell me all his shortcomings, but I wasn't having it cause I don't care why they are arguing, all I care about is the fact that this mofo keeps calling my husband to come get him when they get into it.

I told both of them that if my husband left our house on this cold ass night cutting short our plans for the evening and inconveniencing and irritating us to come pick him and all them trash bags o' shit up, and they made up next week, don't call us again cause we were finished with their drama and all this back and forth shit, hell.

Then I told Mr. SLS that his friend had two weeks. He can spend a few days in this house and a few days in my house (our guest room is earmarked for other people during inauguration weekend), but he needed to get on Craigslist or whatever and find him some damn lodging, effective Jan. 23, 2009.

My husband kissed me and said, "Thank you baby."

What's new in 2009

In case you haven't noticed, I decided to start responding to comments. So, post some dammit. I see you're reading the blog and I KNOW ya'll got sumthin' to say (just keep it clean, again, review the SLS rules in the righthand sidebar-->) so jump in with both feet and I'll meet you halfway!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Something new

I was reading a blog post about the lady who is on YouTube searching for a husband. I wouldn't do that but hey, if it works for her, then good luck.

Anyway, the poster was saying how she wanted to be married too, and while she wouldn't do what the lady did, she needed to kickstart her situ in the 2009. Someone commented about God's will and to let go and let God and a husband finds a wife and all that. Which just made my ass itch.

There are churches across the country filled to the brim with single wanna be married black women who are "waiting on Jesus" to bring them a man. However, as Ben Franklin said, "God helps those who helps themselves."

Now, I'm not encouraging anyone to do what the 52weeks lady is doing by any means, but, I cannot co-sign on doing nothing and just hoping and wishing the good Lord will see fit to send a husband your way.

So I'll tell you what I told someone else: Try some new things. Be uncomfortable (not dysfunctional, there is a difference!) for a little bit and see if that new experience might be a good fit for you. As you broaden your horizons, you open yourself to encountering new people and you might just meet your man. Or maybe you won't. But what you've been doing isn't working, right?

Facebook: SingLikeSassy


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Shaking it up!!

This week has been interesting: I was contacted by two reporters who wanted to interview me for stories they were working on (I did it for one, but had to pass on the other because it was a little too close to my own bread and butter) and another writing opportunity presented itself to me via my friend Shades of Reality. I am very excited about the latter as it's such a good fit with my interests. Here's hoping it works out.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Dear SingLikeSassy...

I've been giving what I pray is some good advice to two sisters that I think are great women who want to be in committed relationships and just haven't been able to make it happen.

I'm only speaking from my experience and hope that all of what I've shared is in some way helpful. What advice would you give a young attractive professional lady who has a few isshas but nothing insurmountable, who is in her mid-30s, wants to be married and it hasn't happened yet?

I'll sign off here with a scene from one of my favorite all-time movies, "Lady Sings The Blues" because the lyrics to the first Lady Day song in the clip seem to apply here (and I sing the second one to Mr. SLS all of the time):

Monday, January 5, 2009

Cupcakes! Cupcakes!

Now that I have my new mixer I'm taking orders for things to mix up. Mr. SingLikeSassy asked me to make something for him to take to work so I whipped up some pumpkin and red velvet cupcakes right quick. 
When I bake, I channel my Granny, who used to bake almost everyday and never served a Sunday dinner without some baked-from-scratch good on her table. I never mastered the art of baking bread -- it takes more patience than I seem to have -- but I can make a decent cake and pie, and can serve up a good meal if I know some folks are on the way.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Hello, my name is SingLikeSassy

Photocynthesis got me!


10 years ago: In January 1999 I was living in Nashville and hanging out in honkytonks.

On Jan. 5, 1999, I had just returned from visiting my family for the holidays and the guy I was dating came to pick me up from the airport. We stopped at my apartment and he told me he didn't want to date me anymore. During his visit home for the holidays he had reconnected with an old girlfriend and they had rekindled their romance.

I burst out crying -- I'm talking snot slinging, can't catch your breath, chest heaving crying -- and did this for like 20 minutes stopping only to get into the car so he could take me to work where my car was parked. He looked and likely felt agitated but hell, you just broke my heart!!! Deal with the fall out, shit. I then got out of the car, went in to work for a few minutes and found out my best guy friend (we went to college together, had worked at our first jobs together and I had gone to Nashville with his help) had a new job and was moving to Cleveland. Started crying again and drove home and cried myself to sleep.

The next day I went to work looking a hot azz mess and was sent home because I had the flu (I contaminated everyone in the office. People were sick for weeks). I lay at home miserable and heartbroken for days. My best guy friend and my friend Shades of Reality took care of me and when I felt better Shades took me to paint my own pottery to cheer me up. I am drinking out of the mug from that day as I type this meme. Shades and I have been best friends ever since.

I spent a wonderful week in Seattle that year and vowed to return.

Later that year, I moved to D.C. for a fellowship.

8 years ago: In 2001, I was reporting for an online magazine, living in Montgomery County, Md., and commuting to downtown D.C. everyday. I decided that year to buy a house IN D.C. because I never wanted to live that far from work ever again.

I went to Cleveland to visit my best guy friend and spent the whole weekend drinking and partying with him and a bunch of guys from the moment I got off the plane, earning me the nickname "the Pimptress." My boyfriend at the time was upset that I would go visit another man. This was just one of the many reasons why we are not together now.

I traveled to the Bahamas, Hilton Head and Ottawa that year. Shades of Reality got married that year and I was the de facto "day of" wedding coordinator.

6 years ago: In 2003 I became managing editor of the publication I worked for and had a staff of four reporters. It was cool to be the boss of something.

I had bought my house the year before and spent a lot of time (and money!) working on it and gave a slamming housewarming/birthday party that folks traveled from all points of the country to attend. People still talk about that shindig.

I sold my 10-year-old Honda Civic and bought a 1999 VW Beetle. Loved that car!

I went to St. Thomas, V.I., that year and had a ball with my best guy friend's family. My parents paid for the trip because…well, I dunno, they just wanted to pay for it so I let them.

I went to Quebec City that summer to visit my old roommate and her family. I love bluettes avec chocolat!

I went to Milwaukee that year and volunteered for a week with some student journalists. I liked that city and would visit again. Some of the guys from my Pimptress weekend were there and we had a crazy Friday night partying.

I broke up with my boyfriend of four years a couple of days after Christmas, which is still one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Over the holidays I got the drunkest I have *ever* been in my whole life and it scared me so much I stopped drinking for a year.

4 years ago: In 2005 I was one year into a self-imposed "no dating, spend time working on myself" program. I took acting lessons, worked with a vocal coach and took a personal essay writing class.

I cooked up a plan to sell my house and move to Europe but chickened out at the last minute.

I had another (but smaller scale) birthday celebration.

Shades of Reality came to town with her infant baby and I watched her for several hours in which she wouldn't take a bottle and I felt like I was torturing her and started to call child services on myself.

I spent nine days in Istanbul (which I loved and would return to in a minute!), and began planning a 2006 trip to Nairobi, Kenya.

I traded my VW Beetle (I miss her so much) for my Nissan 350Z roadster.

I took my mom to Paris for Thanksgiving and I got a new job as an editor for another publication.

I spent new year's eve alone at home with my cats and it was one of the best new year's eves I've ever had. I was happy with myself, my home and my career and looked forward to the new year.

2 years ago: In January 2007 I bought my wedding dress and locked down the wedding and reception location as well as the date for our September wedding.

I went to Las Vegas twice. I'm not a Vegas chick though so I never have to return. Spent a week at UC-Berkeley. It was cold. Brrrr!

I got mad for some reason I can't even remember now, and put my engagement ring in the box and left it on Mr. SLS's bed with a note that said when he was ready to do/be/say whatever the hell petty drama I had cooked up that day, I would be ready to wear the ring again or some such nonsense. I told Shades of Reality who ran this by Mr. SoR and he said something along these lines: "You went nuclear. You save nuclear moves for nuclear times. You need to go apologize before your wedding is called off." I followed directions. I ain't all the way stoopid!

I won a bunch of awards!

I got married!

I hosted Thanksgiving for the first time for my in-laws, and my husband and I went home and spent Christmas with all my extended family, most of whom he didn't meet before the wedding.

Five yummy things:
1. My granny's cooking
2. Cuban food
3. Pasta with Mr. SLS's homemade pesto
4. fresh berries
5. Au gratin with crimini mushroom and gruyere cheese

Five songs I know by heart:
1. The More I See You (we performed this together at our wedding!)
2. Words Can't Describe (this is "our" song)
3. Aguas de Marco (Mr. SLS and I performed this together during the summer!)
4. A Song For You
5. It Ain't Supposed To Be This Way

Five places I would like to escape to:
1. Brazil (the music!!)
2. Greece
3. Berlin (one of my friends lives there and I've had a great time every time I've visited)
4. Istanbul
5. Tokyo

Five things I would never wear:
1. sequins
2. Shoes that are too tight
3. Christmas sweaters
4. Leggings
5. cropped tops

Five favorite TV shows:
1. Lost
2. Cold Case
3. The Wire (can we all say, Idris Elba?)
4. Ugly Betty
5. Medium

Five things I enjoy doing:
1. Singing
2. Traveling
3. Going to movies
4. Going to jazz clubs
5. Blogging

Five Favorite toys:
1. My Z
2. iPod Touch
3. iHome
4. iKaraoke
5. our piano

Five people who I am tagging to fill this out:

1. FreeMan Press who I feel certain will not do this cause it's not productive and this is a brother who stays on the grind.

2. lacochran's bloggery because she got me last time and payback's a mofo. Teehee

3. Stylin' & Profilin because we have shared some good hearty laughs over the past three years.

4. To Blog Or… just because he is crazy as all get out and I can't wait to see the responses.

5. Stories of a Traveling Diva because I like her and bet her answers will be entertaining as well.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Free your mind and your a** will follow

Happy New Year!

As you evaluate your lives and decide what changes you would like to make in this new year, please take a minute to assess this blog and let me know what changes you would recommend.

I enjoy blogging and want to continue, but I'd like it to generate more conversation and allow me to engage more with you guys.

I may do some, all or none of those things, but I am tossing those ideas around. Vote early and often.

Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section (keep it clean! see my rules in the righthand sidebar-->) and I'll sort through your suggestions and see what ideas I'm willing and able to adopt.

Thanks in advance for all of your assistance.