In the last 24 hours both of my parents have chided me about not calling my grandmothers more frequently. Now, I have talked to them recently (in the past month) but not as often as I should have considering they are both in their 80s (one is 81, the other is 87) and for one of them, I am one of two grandchildren and her only granddaughter.
But, it's hard. It's not that I don't want to talk to them (though lawd knows they ramble on about folks I don't know, places I ain't been etc. and there is always the inevitable, "when will I get some more grandbabies?" comment), but I get a funny feeling in my stomach whenever I talk to them because I'm scared they will die soon. You see, I've managed to live all of these years and lose very few people.
One grandfather died when I was 7 and that was sad because he picked me up from school everyday and didn't tell Grandma when I broke her watch by winding it too much.
My other grandfather died when I was 15 and that was sad because Granddaddy always told me stories about when he was young, made me slingshots, listened to baseball on a transistor radio, made me blackberry cobblers and shared his fig newtons with me even when Granny said I had had enough sweets.
My great-grandmother died when I was 19 and in college. It was a few weeks after we had a big mother's day bash for her and we have a video of that celebration that I watch sometimes.
And, that's it.
As a result, just *thinking* about losing my Granny and Grandma makes me feel nauseaous. And it makes it hard to call cause if I don't call I don't have to hear how old they are and how sick they are (sometimes) or think about them dying.
If I don't call, then she's always my Granny who took me out to lunch at fancy restaurants and let me play dress up in her clothes and laughed when I sprayed all the perfume out of her atomizers while coloring my face darn near clown white using her powder puff sitting at her dressing table.
If I don't call, then she's always my Grandma who showed me how to cut and cook collard greens and how to make a dollar snap like a whip and how to wash clothes and who told me she was so proud of me because I had done so much stuff, seen so many places she would never do or see.
I'm gonna call. Maybe not tonight. But I'll call. Probably this weekend. I will. I promise.