"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Facing the inevitable...

In the last 24 hours both of my parents have chided me about not calling my grandmothers more frequently. Now, I have talked to them recently (in the past month) but not as often as I should have considering they are both in their 80s (one is 81, the other is 87) and for one of them, I am one of two grandchildren and her only granddaughter.

But, it's hard. It's not that I don't want to talk to them (though lawd knows they ramble on about folks I don't know, places I ain't been etc. and there is always the inevitable, "when will I get some more grandbabies?" comment), but I get a funny feeling in my stomach whenever I talk to them because I'm scared they will die soon. You see, I've managed to live all of these years and lose very few people.

One grandfather died when I was 7 and that was sad because he picked me up from school everyday and didn't tell Grandma when I broke her watch by winding it too much.

My other grandfather died when I was 15 and that was sad because Granddaddy always told me stories about when he was young, made me slingshots, listened to baseball on a transistor radio, made me blackberry cobblers and shared his fig newtons with me even when Granny said I had had enough sweets.

My great-grandmother died when I was 19 and in college. It was a few weeks after we had a big mother's day bash for her and we have a video of that celebration that I watch sometimes.

And, that's it.

As a result, just *thinking* about losing my Granny and Grandma makes me feel nauseaous. And it makes it hard to call cause if I don't call I don't have to hear how old they are and how sick they are (sometimes) or think about them dying.

If I don't call, then she's always my Granny who took me out to lunch at fancy restaurants and let me play dress up in her clothes and laughed when I sprayed all the perfume out of her atomizers while coloring my face darn near clown white using her powder puff sitting at her dressing table.

If I don't call, then she's always my Grandma who showed me how to cut and cook collard greens and how to make a dollar snap like a whip and how to wash clothes and who told me she was so proud of me because I had done so much stuff, seen so many places she would never do or see.

I'm gonna call. Maybe not tonight. But I'll call. Probably this weekend. I will. I promise.

5 comments:

  1. Anonymous2/11/2009

    Trust me on this one Sassy: Call. Call whenever you think about it. I only knew one of my grandparents, the rest had passed away. I've lost my father and my sister. You'll thank yourself later :)

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  2. Yeah, call them. You will be glad you did.

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  3. Oh, I am so calling mine this weekend. Thanks for this.

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  4. Anonymous2/13/2009

    Call. I've got one grandparent left - my dad's mother. She's 87. I don't call her as often as I should but please believe I'm calling her - tonight!

    Nerd Girl

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  5. Cherish this time. While it is hard, you will look back on it fondly. Watching my Papa wither and die was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I wouldn't trade those moments for the world.

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Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy