"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Monday, March 16, 2009

The good in having good friends...

I love Mr. SLS's best friend, he always gives him good, practical advice. Prolly the best piece of advice he gave is when Mr. SLS went to him before we got married. He was having some pre-wedding jitters* because though his marriage had been over for some time, he hadn't been divorced for very long when we met and he wondered if we were moving too fast.

His friend said, "You started this conversation off saying she was the best thing that ever happened to you**. Are you really debating whether you should you marry the 'best thing that ever happened to you?'"

Yes, that advice was favorable to me, but seriously, he's very levelheaded and reasonable and not a negative person so when he gives advice it's usually sound.

He and his wife (whom I also love) are dealing with infertility problems as well, but we haven't all talked about it, though the two men have obviously discussed.

As the birthday party Saturday evolved (or devolved) into a drunken iPod contest and dance off, she hugged me and started crying because they hadn't gotten pregnant yet after several procedures and lots of out-of-pocket payments and why was this so hard?

Now for those of you who don't know me IRL, I am awkward with other people's emotional moments. Anger I can deal with, I know anger, anger knows me, I am anger. But tears? I don't know what to do with that. I'm very much like my Grandma in that way and my family has said because my mother is very emotional and hysterical in any and all crises (likely counteracting Grandma's stoicism), I learned to compensate for that by becoming a stone-faced problemsolver.

But since I was drunk (just not as drunk as she was), I wasn't my usual stiff-armed self, so I said, "woo woo woo" and rubbed her back. Why I have no idea, but it seemed appropriate at the time.

That little moment, though, was good cause I think the last few hesitations I had about creating a friendship with her outside of the menfolks (this can get problematic sometimes, so I generally don't do it) are gone.

And they gave Mr. SLS the second best gift (aint no gift evah gonna be better than what I gave him! teehee) of the evening, something very meaningful and specific to him.

*My jitters surfaced one day when I came downstairs to Mr. SLS arranging cds on the rack and noticed that my cds, which were usually stacked on the top, weren't there. I asked where they were and he said, oh, I just put them on the shelf with all the others and I said, but, those were mine and he said, well baby, this is what marriage is, blending households and lives and cds. My heart started palpitating and I squeaked out an OK, then got in the car and drove off as fast as I could thinking about how I didn't want my cds all mixed in and how I would never find them and lawd, maybe I'm not ready...I talked to my mother and she said, if I got to the altar and decided I didn't want to get married I could call it off and don't worry about money spent, people traveling -- nothing -- she would support me in the decision. Later I talked to Mr. SLS and he put my cds back on top where I could find them and said, I could blend them in when I got ready. LOL!

**Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me

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Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy