"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Well it's official: I must go under the surgeon's knife

Had another test done and got a second opinion and I am going to have surgery for the fibroids. They are too big now, though thankfully, they aren't protruding into my uterus or squishing any organs. Yet.

The last time I spent a night in a hospital I was too little to remember anything but my granddaddy bringing me a popsicle for the ride home.

I guess there *is* an upside: I'll have plenty o' time to blog/tweet/Facebook/annoy/irritate/alienate you people!

My birthday surprise!

I realize I never told you what my birthday surprise was! It was tickets to this: Revived 'Ragtime,' Bursting With Energy & Ingenuity.

This was a great surprise because a couple of months ago I had mentioned reading the book several years earlier and we had a long conversation about the story and the characters in it. Mr. SLS remembered that and when he saw the show was coming to town and opened on my birthday, he snatched up two tickets.

I had a great time and was reminded how much I appreciate my husband who *listens* to me.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Do you read the new black "lit"?

I put "lit" in quotes because I don't see Zane and all that prison/oversexed/down low/gotta find a man or dog a woman stuff as literature. Admittedly, I've never read Zane. Maybe it's good. But the titles and the cover art aren't saying "good writing, good information" to me.

A few years ago I joined a book club. It's a group of professional young ladies of varying ages and rather then spend time at meetings choosing books, we assigned a meeting leader for each month at the beginning of the year and that person chose the book. Most of the books we read were progressive, many were nonfiction, quite a few examined issues in the black community and all of them expanded our minds and sparked discussion.

We often tried to pair an activity or guest with the book we were reading. For example, when we read one book, we had a henna artist come in and apply tattoos similar to those mentioned in the book. When we tackled a book that focused on religion and faith, we had a minister come in and discuss it with us. When we had a relationship-focused book we invited men in to help discuss issues raised in the book.

Needless to say, I really loved this group, but as people moved on and lives and schedules changed, the group has changed. And as the group has changed so have the book choices. This month they are reading a Zane book. I'm not going to this meeting. While I understand we can't always read heavy things I find it hard to believe there weren't other choices between the Bible and Zane.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

My sister-in-law is mad at me

Tell me what you think about her "issues" with me.

First, she does hair out of her house with no license. She wants to do my hair. She's asked me some umpteen times and I said no several times then I ignored her and then she sent me an email that I deleted and finally she sent me another email because I didn't respond to the earlier one. I didn't answer that either and so when I saw her the other day she was feeling some kinda way. I said, I didn't answer either email because I had already told her NO about doing my hair. She had her answer and asking me several more times was not changing my mind it was just irritating me. NO you cannot play in my hair in your kitchen sink. NO.

Secondly, she wants to do some shady ish (this is a darn near fitty year old woman!!) using our address and wanted me to write some letter and go somewhere with her mostly so she doesn't have to be inconvenienced by some laws she doesn't want to adhere to and I said, no to that too, because I don't do illegal ish. She got EXTRA mad when she asked Mr. SLS to do it and he said, "hell no and [SingLikeSassy] aint doing that shit either." I think she thought I influenced him to not help her cause it has not at all occurred to her that what she is asking is WRONG AND ILLEGAL, we should just "support her" in this scam. From her perspective I'm not supporting family and from my perspective "family" doesn't ask me to do illegal shady ish.

So she had a salty azz attitude and was giving me the sour eye all day. But I think we understand each other now. When I say no, I mean it, so don't ask me another 70-leven times and don't ever ask me to help with your shady underhanded plots and plans.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Hmph. NOW you got somethin' to say

My brother sent me his resume over the weekend and asked me to look at it for him. Mind you, he has yet to thank me for his birthday card, yet to wish ME a happy birthday or anything.

But, he needs something now so he managed to find my email address and contact me.

Now, what would you do in this situation?

Addendum: Ya'll know I edited his resume and sent it back to him.

Happy Birthday Chris!

Well this is the last of the cousins with birthdays in April, which is fitting because Chris is the eldest cousin and turns 40 this year.

Chris -- an only child -- and I were raised as brother and sister practically, spending the night at each other's houses all of the time, going to the same summer camps, day camps, high school (we were in marching band together) and college. He was there when I got my first kiss (he vetted the dude for me LOL!); taught me how to whistle, blow bubblegum bubbles, ride my bicycle, play checkers and helped nurture my budding love of music by making me learn every ooo and ah of the Jackson 5's records as well as the drumbeats, the guitar strums, the keyboard strokes -- everything.

I never would have left the house during high school if he didn't have a car and felt sorry enough for my imprisoned status to let me tag along with him to various parties and stuff every now and again.

He moved me in and out of every dorm and apartment I lived in before I bought my house, bought my textbooks for me one year when I was mad at my parents for something and wasn't talking to them. He was the first family member Mr. SLS met (and later he told me "that's your husband.") Chris essentially had the brotherly relationship with me that my brother and I never seemed to develop.

I especially hope this birthday is a good one for him because he and his wife are divorcing. We talked last week and he seems OK with it. If I'm honest I have to say I knew when they got married 10 years ago it would come to this end and I won't be sad to see the back of his wife for the last time.

Happy happy day cousin! Best wishes for many more.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I just called to say I love you

I tell Mr. SLS I love him all of the time. For example, I might yell down the stairs "I LOVE YOU!" randomly just because I felt it. It's real freeing for me to be able to express myself and have it reciprocated. He's the only person I am like that with or have ever been like that with.

In past relationships it was hard for me to say those words. Even with my parents. When we get off the phone and they say they love me it seems...odd. And it's because they didn't say that to me when I was growing up. I realize that as I have grown up they have grown as people and part of that is trying to have a different relationship with me, including telling me that they love me and hugging me and generally trying to be more expressive about their love for me. It's still weird to me though.

It's never seemed weird to hear Mr. SLS tell me he loved me. When he told me the first time, I said, "I know. I love you too." Cause I did know before he told me how he felt about me. Just like I know my parents love me. But the dynamics of our relationship from early on was not a "loving" one, it was very "I am the parent, you are the child, do as I say, not as I do."

That's why I love the way my husband loves me. The way he always kisses me when he leaves in the morning and hugs me when I get home in the evening and asks how my day was.

For the past three days I have barely seen him because he's been working a long three day gig, leaving before I woke up and not getting home until after I was asleep. But he called to tell me he missed me. That was the best thing ever.

I can't wait until he gets home so I can tell him I love him.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Two steps forward, 10 steps back

So we're not going to do the next IVF cycle just yet because my tests today showed my uterine fibroids have grown to ridiculous proportions and those have to go before I can do anything infertility related.

To put this in perspective, the doctor said: "You have more fibroid than uterus at this point." I envision it as this big creeping blob monster taking over my insides.

I am very disappointed. Mr. SLS is really worried. My mama is scared.

But I guess I will think about how much improved my health will be without this big growth on my uterus.

I guess. I dunno. I just feel like it's something all the damn time.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Maybe I'm not so "Obsessed"

I love Idris Elba. YA'LL KNOW I LOVE ME SOME IDRIS ELBA! And there is not much he's been in that I haven't seen some fitty-leven times.

But this movie he's in with Beyonce, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to muster up the gumption to go see that. It looks the hot azz mess. OK, Beyonce looks the hot azz mess in the previews. OK, real talk, I don't like her as an actress.

I know she's working on her skills and trying to grow as a performer and everything, but must I suffer the results of the training and learning period? Must I?!!

So unless Mr. SLS (who is not a Bey fan either so this is unlikely) wants to go, I may see this via Netflix or pay-per-view or something.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go!

So today I talked to my RE and nurse and we are on track to start our next full IVF cycle at the end of June (have to work around Mr. SLS's summer military travel) with transfer happening late July early August.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Happy Birthday Amir!

OK, Amir is really the son of one of my first cousins, but since his birthday falls in April, I've decided to include him in the April birthday shout outs. He turns 7 today and is growing big and strong like his dad and granddad (my cousin and uncle).

Happy happy day cousin!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Sigh...what is wrong with people?!

Take the time to read this post by Rippa: THE INTERSECTION OF MADNESS AND REALITY: Women Raped In The Military? Nope, That Never Happens!!

I didn't know about the case he describes here, but it's horrifying.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Happy Birthday to me!

Well, we've finally made it to my name on the April birthdays list. I'm writing this a little early so I'm not sure what Mr. SLS has planned other than the go-karts (unless it's raining) but no matter what we do I'm glad to see another year and hope I'm blessed with many many more.

Happy happy day to me!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I got the all clear!

Got the sign off from the doc on my other health issues (still have to take the meds indefinitely though) and things have improved enough that I can start my IVF cycle!

I'm not rushing to my RE or anything cause I want to see how much more I can improve over the next couple of weeks or so, but just knowing I made progress and can move forward was some really great news today. I was getting a bit discouraged.

But then Tiffany in Houston told me it wasn't all up to me didn't she?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Me, my brother and why we will NEVER be close

My brother insists we are not close because of ME and whines to my parents about it despite him never calling me or emailing me or texting me or IMing me or even sending me a birthday card (remember his birthday is SEVEN DAYS before mine and last week I sent him a lovely and thoughtful card with a personal note in it to my mom's house that I know he got because SHE told me, not him, meaning he didn't bother to say thank you).

This morning I saw my mom was signed on to IM and I hit her with a "what's up mommy" and it turns out it's not my mom, it's my brother (which I suspect means he has moved back home and nobody wants to say anything to me about it).

I IM, "Hey there! How was your birthday?" He replies, "Worked." I IM, "You're getting old boy. I, as you know, remain eternally youthful and gorgeous" and add a smiley face. He replies:

That's right, no, "aw man you're still older than me" or "hahaha" or "miss me with the BS" or "biyatch please," nope, he just ignores me. A big virtual middle finger.

This is what I get from him, while he fills my parents ears with how if something happened to him and they are gone, I wouldn't take care of him (he might be right about that, actually) and I don't love him and I ignore him. And I gotta get grief from them about trying harder to connect with his ass and reaching out to him and "you two are all each other have" (which is BS cause I got my husband and whatever family WE create).

So he and my parents can MISS ME WITH THAT BULLSHIT!

Strawberries and bananas

I cannot understand why people keep mixing these two things together. Just ew.

And it happens when you least expect it, like when you grab a yogurt in the grocery store cause you see the strawberry on it the way it always is and then you get home and look at the label more clearly you realize this isn't your regular yogurt, no there's a nasty azz banana mixed in with this one. Why? WHY???


::tosses nasty azz yogurt in the trash::

Monday, April 13, 2009

Happy Birthday Chellie Belle!

Yes, *another* cousin's birthday. LOL!

I've written about my cousin Michelle and her faith here before, and I have to say Chelle is my most favorite cousin of all.

Her parents lived with us for awhile after she was first born while they were buying their house and I used to babysit her a lot when she was little. Even though she is the youngest of us first cousins, she is the one who keeps us connected by calling, writing, emailing and always making sure she sees us when we're in town.

She's fiercely loyal to and protective of her big brother, Jonathan (yes they are like me and my brother and have birthdays that are just days apart, too) and is an aspiring filmmaker.

Well today she turns 26 -- a grown damn woman, I can't believe it -- and I hope this birthday is wonderful wonderful wonderful for her.

Happy happy day cousin!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Birthday Steven!

Another day, another cousin, another birthday. Today my cousin Steven turns 33. He's a sweetheart with his teddy bear self and now has two fat babies of his own and a wonderful wife.

Happy happy day cousin!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Happy Birthday Lil' Brother

Today my brother is 33 years old.

I remember my parents asking for my input in naming him and I chose Michael (I had a crush on Michael Jackson for years and years and years!!) and for months before he was born, his name was Michael. We called him Michael, referred to him as Michael, he was Michael.

Then, when he came home, his name was Daddy SLS Jr. I felt some kinda way for a good long while cause dammit if they were gonna veto my suggestion why play with me for months on that ish? LOL!

I don't remember this, but my mom says that when they brought my brother home, I got mad and tried to snatch him from her arms and throw him to the ground. I can believe I did that....my parents hadn't planned on a second child and as a result I was spoiled rotten. ROTTEN.

As I've mentioned previously, his birthday is exactly 7 days before mine, so the day people came to greet the new baby was my birthday, which was on Easter that year. My parents had gotten me a rabbit cake with toothpicks for whiskers and I got mad because I was all pretty in my Easter outfit and all the people were coming to look at that wrinkled up noisy baby. So, I wouldn't let anybody cut or eat my cake, including me. My parents put it in the freezer and I think it was eventually thrown out, but still I SHOWED THEM! LOL!

All of that was likely a sign of things to come because, though I have some good memories of us, we are not and have not ever been close. Who knows what the future holds though.

Anyways, happy happy day little brother. Best wishes for this one and many more.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Do you lust after your mate?

Do they know it or is it all in your head?

I love to see Mr. SLS in his Army gear, for whatever reason it's real sexy to me.

On Sunday he came in with his gear on looking all luscious and hawt and sexy (to me). He started talking to me while leaning in the doorway unzipping his jacket and for about 5 minutes I just zoned out on what he was saying because it was like it was a slow motion soldier boy nudie bootie video with this undressing thing. He may as well have been licking his lips all LL Cool J-style, you know?

Then for whatever reason I snapped to and burst out laughing and he was like what? I explained how I hadn't heard a damn thing he just said cause I was way too focused on him and the undressing.


Monday, April 6, 2009

Guns and butter. Actually, just guns.

I have lived alone in many different places and never have I felt like I needed a firearm in order to sleep peacefully at night. Admittedly, I've never been mugged or attacked or had anyone break in to my home so that may be why I feel "safe" most of the time.

I have shot several types of guns before -- a Winchester, a Remington (I had to shoot the rifles/shotguns from the hip cause I couldn't position them correctly on my shoulder), a .357 Magnum, a .22 and some other handguns and weaponry (part of my neophyte reporter training). I'll admit there was some power in handling the weapons, but beyond that I've just never felt like I needed to OWN a gun for sport or to protect myself.

Do any of you own guns and do you feel you need them for protection? What do you think about the district's gun ban fight?

More baby pics

Sunday, April 5, 2009

How do you handle expenses?

It took awhile but we've finally developed a system that seems to work for us and that is transparent for the most part. On the first of the month I go through and schedule payments for all of the bills. Then I let him know I did it. I keep it all in a spreadsheet and track our spending, savings, investments etc.

Until we came up with this structure it worried me that we weren't taking full advantage of our DINK status and were paying separately for things we could get cheaper together. I was right in some cases -- car insurance, cell phones etc. -- and we have combined those and increased our monthly savings.

I would say that not having school loans (and even as old as we are I have friends who are *still* paying back school loans) or car payments and buying homes before the boom were some of the best financial decisions both of us could have made.

What's still amazing to me as we look around casually for a house we can buy together, is that the prices in D.C. (the city proper, we have no interest in moving to the suburbs and commuting in to our jobs) are still ridiculous. And trust me, we're not looking for a mcmansion or anything like that.

Anyway, how do you other couples handle bills and expenses?

Saturday, April 4, 2009

The prognosis from my doc visit

Three pills a day is what I got instead of the go ahead for our next IVF cycle. Babymaking is off the table indefinitely for now. Sigh.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Happy Birthday Jonathan!

As I said in a recent post, me, my brother and most of my cousins have birthdays in April. Today my cousin Jonathan turned 31.

Jonathan has always been one of my favorite cousins because he's a sweetheart. He has a great girlfriend that we all love and he's trying hard to get his entrepreneur thing going. I wish him much luck.

Happy happy day cousin!!

Sometimes "crazy" is OK

Now, I know reading that title some of you are giving me the side-eye, but for real, too often we let other people decide that our quirkiness is craziness.

I wish with all my might that I had been more confident and had less teen angst when I was in high school and college. For a semester (in high school) I tried to be a mashup of Prince and Madonna. I wore purple tights and pink shoes and all kinds of things that were really just me expressing what I learned is my very artistic, creative and (overly) dramatic self, but no one got it and I wasn't courageous enough to just BE ME so after awhile I conformed.

Years passed before I learned that who I was was OK. Trying to fit a square into a triangle was not.

Something else I'm learning as a wife

When you change your mind at the last minute and decide to wear cotton briefs instead of your red lacy thong undies and absentmindedly leave the red lacy thong panties on your husband's pillow, he will think this is an invitation to some married folks time. teehee

Thursday, April 2, 2009

What would you do if you were laid off?

I spent some time over the last week or so thinking about what I would do if the ax falls at my place of employment. What did I come up with? Not what I'm doing now. That's saying something, right? Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job, there are more highs than lows, but...I could walk away.

The thing is I long ago decided that I needed to focus on making sure I was satisfied OUTSIDE of work 'cause I am working for somebody and that could end with the flick of a pen. What does that mean?

Back at the beginning of my career I would wake up at night having panic attacks thinking about all I had to do, what mountains I had to move to deliver that A1 above-the-fold story the next day. Scared of failing. All that drama and stress and pressure and I wasn't even making enough money to live on my own! My parents had to supplement me (and thankfully I had parents who could and would)!

It was several years before I realized that my health and sanity were more important at the end of the day. From that point on I gave a good day's work for a good day's pay. I don't log on and check email at home. I don't check the BlackBerry unless I have a project in the works and there is a chance there could be a question or problem. When I leave work I don't think about it again until I get up the next day. I vacate when I go on vacation.

Now, that doesn't mean I don't get my work done OR that I don't do more than I'm asked OR that I leave my team hanging, however it DOES mean boundaries. Proper perspective.

Because -- and I think a lot of people have learned this lately -- no matter how great a job you do, no matter how many extra hours you put in, if your employer decides today is your last day, it will be. We are not owed employment.

So who among you is doing what they want to do RIGHT NOW? And how do you balance work and personal life?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Motherhood *is* a choice

Every time I talk to my BFF I hang up smiling because she is SO loving being a mom. This is a woman who did NOT want to have kids, OK? She started talking about having her tubes tied wayyyyy back when we were like 20.

I remember not being able to get my head around her not wanting children. Maybe because, at the time, her reasons seemed so superficial: she never wanted to be fat, she couldn't believe after seeing her body stretch to the maximum that her husband could/would still find her attractive. It never occurred to me that a man could turn his nose up at a woman who has stretch marks from having his kid.

But as I grew older and (somewhat) wiser, I realized that there was nothing wrong with her decision not to have children. Hell, more women need to make that choice and quit having babies they don't want and mistreating them. I have other friends who don't want children and, though I believe they would make great moms, choosing not to have kids does not lessen them in my eyes. I don't spend time trying to convince them that they *should* have kids or tell them that they are selfish for not wanting to have children and other craziness.

In my own baby news, I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday. Depending on what I hear there about improvements in the other health issues that had cropped up, I may be starting on my next IVF cycle in the next month.