"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Dating, marriage et al

I was writing this as response to a post on another blog and decided I would just cut and paste the ish here because I'm really just tired of the whole "ain't no good brothas/sistas out here" comments. Ya'll know this is not true. You *know* it's not true.

Now, this is my blog so I'm going to write from my female perspective, but this message is universal and can be applied to men and women: Husbands don't look like boyfriends.

Now, before you run off half cocked taking my rhetorical statement literally, sit down and keep reading.

Is Mr. SLS who I envisioned when I dreamed of who my husband might be? No. I thought he'd be taller, darker, bigger, blahblahblah. But he ain't none of that and is still just right for me.

What if I had fired him from the beginning because he's not suave and I need a cool brother? Because he's skinny and I need a brother who can push a plow? Because he's a teacher/musician and I need a brother who can put me in a 20,000 square foot house?

I would have missed my man behind that BS.

I work in a building with a lot of blue collar brothers who are always very polite and respectful to me and I always think when I see them and they say, "Hello" and ask me how my day is or whatever, that surely one of those brothers has got to be a decent guy. But nary a one of my single say they wanna be married friends would date them because they are the maintenance guys instead of on the professional track.

I know women who would not have dated my husband because he is a teacher and therefore could not possibly be earning enough money for them. Which is fine, but, if I stopped working today, nothing would go off or fall short in this house because my teacher husband provides for us and my money takes care of what I had when we got married.

You're missing your man behind some BS!

Here's what I'm saying: take a step back. If you *really* want to be married, then take a good look at some of the folks you're turning away. Some of them probably do need to keep it moving, but surely out of 10 people, one of them is worth a second look, or some more conversation.

Brothas, Beyonce is gone. Off the market. And was never available to you anyways! Move on. That sista walking in the Susan G. Komen race? She might be available.

Same to you sistas, Denzel/Will Smith etc.? Not an option. But the quiet brother with the glasses down in accounting? He might be available.


  1. Tiffany In Houston7/18/2009

    That's the realest shit ever.

  2. didn't even have to read the entire post and know that i agree.

  3. Anonymous7/18/2009

    Nice post SLS! Folks need to read this and take it to heart.

  4. Awesome post, and right on. I know when I was in my 20's I was looking for perfection and left a perfectly wonderful person because he didn't (and couldn't) live up to my expectations. Now I've got a second chance with a man that is wonderful, but not perfect, and I'm not going to let him go. I only wish I could get younger people to learn the lesson you're writing about without having to go through it.

  5. why do i feel like this was directed to me? But i know it's not (lol). We do have dreams of what our "ideal" husband will look like, be like, - and yes what they do for a living. But I also have to remember - the cosby were a sitcom and I'm certainly no phylicia rashad.

  6. didn't even have to read the entire post and know that i agree.


Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy