Well I'm home! It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be, though for a bit I raged against all the needles and machines and such that were attached to me and kept me so confined and restricted that I couldn't move and I ended up throwing up all over myself. (<--gross, I know, and you're just reading this, I had to endure it. It was disgusting. I cried. Mr. SLS and the nurse cleaned me up and woo woo woo'd me).
But they kept offering me deals -- do this and we remove that. For example, we'll take the oxygen tubes away but you have to use this breathing thingy every hour on the hour to make sure your lungs are working at capacity. I used the breathing thingy.
Then they said we'll take these suction pressure-y band things off your legs but you have to promise to move your legs around a lot. I was doing high kicks in that bed.
Then they said, we'll take the catheter out, but you have to go tinkle within this timeframe or we put it back. I tinkled.
Then it was, we'll take out the IV but you have to drink fluids and keep tinkling or we put it back. Catheter, too. I drank. I tinkled.
Then they said, you can go home -- soon as you pass gas. I couldn't do it!! I didn't have gas! I wasn't eating! I wasn't hungry. I had three cups of hot tea, 6 spoonfuls of clear broth and innumerable amounts of water and ice cubes but nothing that would generate gas.
So I walked. Up and down the hall. Very slowly. And hunchbacked. Leaning on Mr. SLS. Hoping to generate some movement. Nothing.
Then on Friday night as I was sleeping I dreamed that I had a big gas expulsion and I woke up. And suddenly there was all kinds of movement.
Which is good because the first thing the nurse asked when she came in was, "did you pass gas?" And I when I said yes, she was like, "Oh thank goodness, that is the best news!" Then the doc came in and asked, "did you pass gas?" And when I said yes, he said, "You can go home!" I was out of there within an hour.
I'll share more about the experience (they let me go to pathology and see my fibroids!) in another post.