"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Friday, September 18, 2009

I fell out with my mother the other day

I was sooooooo mad, if she had been anybody but my mama I KNOW my snap response when she came at me with her craziness would have been "BITCH PLEASE!"

I apologized later -- for snapping not for what I said -- but she pushed the wrong button by essentially asking me to take responsibility for my 33-year-old brother.

Here's what I said: I didn't have him YOU did, so if you want to keep throwing good money after bad and wasting energies and fretting yourself to death, I can't stop you.

But I long ago made my peace with the fact that he will *never* be the brother I wanted, so for me, he is just a dude I share DNA with that my parents see fit to take care of even though he is a grown ass man who can work and provide for himself.

So I suggest you stop hoping he will become the son you wanted and accept that what he is now is who he is and work from there...

At the same time you need to accept that *I* am not going to pick up this burden and carry it because you are tired. If you are tired, stop. If he ends in up the gutter, then know that's where he wants to be.

As Mr. SLS says, take your victories where you can get them.



ADDENDUM:

OK, when I wrote this I was still mad. But last night I was reminded that my mama is being the best mom she knows how to be to me and my brother.

I was talking to her while waiting at my house for a man to come by and talk to me briefly about some business related to the house. My phone ran out of juice and died in the middle of our conversation which is right when the guy arrived.

When I got home about 30 minutes later my mom had called Mr. SLS and he was about to come to the house while she also had her finger poised over the 911 keys ready to dispatch law enforcement. From her perspective, man arrived, phone went dead. Something is wrong, send out the cavalry.

To sum up, like any mother, my mama just wants the best for me and my brother and I might not agree with her method in dealing with my brother, but it's what she feels she has to do.

How can I fault her for that?

6 comments:

  1. Tiffany In Houston9/18/2009

    She is just being a mama, but it is not your fault that your brother is sorry, NOR is it hers, for that matter.

    And it's wrong of her to assume or HOPE that you are going to carry the load for a grown ass man.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hmm, interesting.
    Sometimes I think my father gives my sister too much. Like your brother she is an adult. Unfortunately, she doesn't make the best decisions and I'm expected to pick up the slack (even though at times she lives way better than me !).

    But I think parents know who is the strong sibling and they rely on that sibling to do what's right - no matter how wrong or unfair it seems.

    ReplyDelete
  3. wow. I feel just like you do - except I'm 21 and my brother is 19. I can totally see him at 33 with my mom still taking care of him in the way that she does. With my mom however, she tends to enable. And i just don't understand it.


    Reading this, and the comments, made my eyes go all shiney :/

    ReplyDelete
  4. i'm not supposed to be posting here or anywhere else but just wanted to say i'm glad calmed down.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tiffany In Houston8/20/2011

    She is just being a mama, but it is not your fault that your brother is sorry, NOR is it hers, for that matter.

    And it's wrong of her to assume or HOPE that you are going to carry the load for a grown ass man.

    ReplyDelete
  6. i'm not supposed to be posting here or anywhere else but just wanted to say i'm glad calmed down.

    ReplyDelete

Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy