"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Friday, November 6, 2009

Speak no evil

I have a friend who has hit a rough patch in her marriage. I feel certain that they will work their way through it, but I'm watching how they get through so that I can learn ways to navigate us through trouble if/when it comes.

My parents argued a lot. Yelling and screaming and door slamming and all types of dramatics. Nobody bit their tongue and they would say anything to each other. I was glad when they split because it was finally peaceful.

But (and parents, take note of this) what I learned from them, I modeled in my relationships. I would say anything cause my perception was that if you're a man you can and will take it. Man up biyatch!

I don't do that now. Mr. SLS and I talk about a lot of stuff to try to keep things from festering. We've agreed that we will seek counseling if we need to in the future.

It hasn't been hard not to fight dirty. Mr. SLS doesn't do much that makes me 198 degrees hot enough to fly off the handle and talk greasy.

I know that I don't want the kind of marriage my parents had. They were ill-matched and their marriage collapsed. I want to be and stay happily married. That takes work and conscious effort.

My friend has a strong marriage and that's why I have no doubts they will get reconnected. In the interim I'll just watch, take notes and learn.

2 comments:

  1. I think its wonderful that you are already so aware of what you need to do to keep your marriage strong. It is really wonderful that you've already agreed to counseling should the need arise. I really believe that communication is vital, so if you're able to discuss things with Mr. SLS before getting past the point of no return you're already a step ahead.

    Good luck to your friend!

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  2. I think a lot of people think marriage is a fairytale and when it's not, they want to give up. As soon as folks realize that people are human beings and no one's perfect, I think people will be more understanding and more open to communication that leads to discussion. I say you're on the right path.

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Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy