"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Faith, Religion and the Church


I don't go to church. I've never quite felt "at home" in a church the way other people seem to feel.

Now, that doesn't mean I don't believe or don't have faith, I just don't go to church.

I wasn't raised in the church as many of my friends were -- Sunday school and church on Sunday, Bible study on Wednesday, church camp, usher board, Christian youth group -- so the foundation wasn't really laid as a kid. Church was an option for me because my parents were made to go to church growing up and they didn't want us to feel forced to go.

In my 20s and early 30s I tried to create what I thought I was supposed to feel and do in churches. I visited churches and tried to get involved, but it all felt false and one day I decided it was OK for me not to attend church.

One thing I didn't do in church was meet men and date. I wasn't there for that purpose. I was too busy trying to figure out how to become the good Christian I thought I was expected to be so that I wouldn't go to hell. Also, I knew I was struggling and assumed a really religious man would be a poor fit for me (and vice versa).

That said, there has always been a meme in the black community about finding your husband in the church, having a spiritual head for your family and being equally yoked.

Lottie over at 30 Something has a post asking if black churches keep black women single. You should check it out and weigh in on the discussion.

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Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy