"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Rites of Passage

I went to a Bar Mitvah ceremony recently and as I sat there learning and observing and taking in the family's pride and support and the focus on being a better person it occured to me that there should be ceremonies like this for young ladies and young men, maybe more secular but still as meaningful because it would involve family, friends and the community.

At the reception there was a candlelighting ritual where the young man asked all the people who were close to him and had some significant role in his becoming a bar mitvah light a candle. These included his parents and his brother, but it also included his friends, a cousin, an aunt, a teacher -- it's the village concept.

Anyway, food for thought.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Getting To The Other Side

When I'm hurting, I tend to turn inward. This means I will shut people out, as my good friend Honeysmoke knows all too well.

I learned long ago to put on a happy face even when inside I'm not feeling all that happy, and that takes a lot out of me. Sometimes when Friday comes, I'm spent. All I wanna do is go home, get in my bed and recharge so I can face the next day.

That's how I felt last Friday evening. I had an invitation to go to a party at TravelDiva's house for another blogger, ForNot. I had been looking forward to it all week because I needed and wanted to be out and among good people, but as soon as I got home, I felt the shut down coming on. However, I pushed on through, took a shower, ironed some clothes, cut on some music to get me going and I didn't let myself stop or slow down or otherwise talk myself out of it.

Then I put on the jeans and top I had planned to wear and the 15 pounds I have gained over the past month and a half of laying around feeling extra sorry for myself looked awful. I took that off and sat down on the bed. Then I laid on it. In my head I was thinking, what excuse can I come up with at this last minute for not showing up?

But hometraining overruled ratchedassness and I got up, found a dress that camouflaged some of the fat and rolled on out to the shindig. And I'm glad I did because TravelDiva made me feel very welcome in her home and I had a great time meeting some of the other web peoples who comment on Monica Mingo's blog.

Though I talk a lot, it's mostly to cover up that I'm shy-ish. And dealing with all this emotional upheaval doesn't help. So, this isn't the last time that I'll probably have to push myself to get up and get out over the next few months. But I'll make sure to remember how good it is once I get to the other side when I'm searching for excuses to stay in my head.

Monday, October 25, 2010

It Ain't No Way In Hell That I Can Be Just Friends With You

I don't like Trey Songz much, something about him looking like child with his chest all greased up, but this song right here???? It's saying everything I've been feeling for the past couple of weeks.



I could only like it better if it had real strings and a real piano playing on it, but nevertheless the lyrics are talking to me.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Black Marriage Negotiations

A friend sent me a message and asked me to blog about this but, after watching it all I have say is this: =_=

You folks can have at it in the comments though.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Love and Luggage

I have a friend that moved across country with an SO for a new job. The SO found a new job in the same city and everything was lovely.

When the economic crisis happened the SO lost their job, but was able to find freelance work and the couple made it work.

Then the friend lost their job and ended up getting a new gig pretty quickly but on the opposite coast.

Friend moved and they had a long distance relationship for about a year until the SO decided they couldn't do it anymore and broke it off.

My friend beat the bushes and got a new job and is back on the other coast with the SO. The relationship is all good now. But my friend hates the new job.

Here's my question to you: Would you do all this moving around for someone you weren't married to?

I'm not asking this question in a judgmental way, I'm trying to better understand my views on relationships and commitment and why I feel/believe the things I do.

For example, I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do all this life rearranging for someone who wasn't longterm committed to me and, for me, that would mean marriage. But I think that's because I don't trust other people enough. Or maybe I don't trust myself enough.

I know people who are making these kinds of moves and decisions all of the time and it seems to work out perfectly fine.

So why is it marriage or nothing for ME? Hm.

What say you?

Building my real estate empire

So I've decided to buy my Granny's house. My uncle and dad plan to sell it and will give me first dibs at it before putting it on the market.

Based on my research of rental rates and comps in her community, I can easily afford to buy it and rent it out at a profit (my Granny bought this house in the very fashionable and hip downtown of my hometown at the beginning of the movement to return to city centers. She was a smart lady). And even if I can't rent it out at a profit, I can afford to buy and take care of her house. Plus, my daddy said he would split the mortgage with me if it took me a minute to find a tenant, though I'm not making my plans based around this promise as I know folks' intentions and actual actions don't always line up.

So, my dad and uncle will make some money, I'll get Granny's house, which meant a very lot to her and I know she would love for me to own it and since my whole family is there, I know managing it long distance would not be a problem.

And this would be the second house I "own."

WIN-WIN!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Decisions decisions decisions

I have spent the past six months in limbo waiting on other folks to decide what they are going to on various issues do so I can decide what I'm going to do.

Some of these things are outside my control, but some aren't, it's just been easier to float along without making a decision.

Things are coming to a head though, and I need to stop playing and pick a road. It's just that it's....hard.

Sigh.