"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Getting To The Other Side

When I'm hurting, I tend to turn inward. This means I will shut people out, as my good friend Honeysmoke knows all too well.

I learned long ago to put on a happy face even when inside I'm not feeling all that happy, and that takes a lot out of me. Sometimes when Friday comes, I'm spent. All I wanna do is go home, get in my bed and recharge so I can face the next day.

That's how I felt last Friday evening. I had an invitation to go to a party at TravelDiva's house for another blogger, ForNot. I had been looking forward to it all week because I needed and wanted to be out and among good people, but as soon as I got home, I felt the shut down coming on. However, I pushed on through, took a shower, ironed some clothes, cut on some music to get me going and I didn't let myself stop or slow down or otherwise talk myself out of it.

Then I put on the jeans and top I had planned to wear and the 15 pounds I have gained over the past month and a half of laying around feeling extra sorry for myself looked awful. I took that off and sat down on the bed. Then I laid on it. In my head I was thinking, what excuse can I come up with at this last minute for not showing up?

But hometraining overruled ratchedassness and I got up, found a dress that camouflaged some of the fat and rolled on out to the shindig. And I'm glad I did because TravelDiva made me feel very welcome in her home and I had a great time meeting some of the other web peoples who comment on Monica Mingo's blog.

Though I talk a lot, it's mostly to cover up that I'm shy-ish. And dealing with all this emotional upheaval doesn't help. So, this isn't the last time that I'll probably have to push myself to get up and get out over the next few months. But I'll make sure to remember how good it is once I get to the other side when I'm searching for excuses to stay in my head.

12 comments:

  1. Just keep pushing Baby Girl. That's all those of us who care ask of you. Just keep pushing.

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  2. Anonymous10/26/2010

    Awww this is so me! People see my happy face and spirit but man oh man what it took to get it there and keep it when out and about is work.

    I was so happy to meet you at Monnie's Bday celebration I was happy i didn't decide to lay it down as well.

    I have a problem engaging in conversation with those I care about and who care about me when I'm in a rough life situation. I'm a cryer, and I ugly cry too so I don't like to talk about all of my life temporary ills :)

    I lurk on your blog but keep pushing I'm thinking of you.

    akilah

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  3. I've had periods like that too. And it's not just dealing with other people, it's like that with my husband and kids. Luckily, my husband picks up on this and has to sometimes drag me out kicking, screaming and scratching. But once I get out, I feel so much better.

    I hope you make it past whatever you're going through right now.

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  4. Hey SingLikeSassy! It was great seeing you again! Sometimes that's all it takes is to 'get to the other side'. Believe me, I have the same moments. Sometimes I go out and do something by myself or hang out with a group of friends. I know the problems will still be there, but for the moment I just want to BE. Be happy, be around people, just BE. *Hugs*

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  5. Anonymous10/26/2010

    Hi. I have felt this way for YEARS! The weirdest thing is that people who are close to me have NO IDEA what I have to go through to just get out of the house or to pick up the phone and put on that "face" or "voice". I think that I have learned to do it well enough that I can fool most people. No one knows how "dark" I feel and think most days. The most important thing to know is that whatever it is that is troubling you WILL GET BETTER! I find that it is best to find a good balance: sometimes, it's okay to stay in and climb under the covers or the bed, but other times you have to PUSH THROUGH like you did on Friday night. I'm so glad that you had a great time. Please know that those good times will come more frequently if you just PUSH THROUGH. Fake it to happiness until you make it to happiness, but trust that one day you will no longer be faking.

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  6. It can be so hard to push through but know that we are all here for you.

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  7. I'm so glad you came. I pray that you take me up on what we talked about. I know this is so cliche - but fake it till you make it. And you will. All "this" shall pass. I look forward to seeing you again soon.

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  8. I can't do anything else but say thank you for writing this and ask if maybe you've been inside my head once or twice...

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  9. Just seeing this. It was wonderful to meet you in person and you looked fabulous in your dress. It's only in your head because as someone just meeting you, all I saw was a confident, fun and beautiful person. Sending warm thoughts your way!!!

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  10. I've so been in this place. Many times over. I finally realized how much better I felt when I got dressed, got out of the house, and got around other people. I stayed down too long before getting this insight, but I've learned my lesson. I had to push through just the other day and it was worth it.

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  11. Just seeing this. It was wonderful to meet you in person and you looked fabulous in your dress. It's only in your head because as someone just meeting you, all I saw was a confident, fun and beautiful person. Sending warm thoughts your way!!!

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  12. I've had periods like that too. And it's not just dealing with other people, it's like that with my husband and kids. Luckily, my husband picks up on this and has to sometimes drag me out kicking, screaming and scratching. But once I get out, I feel so much better.

    I hope you make it past whatever you're going through right now.

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Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy