When I'm hurting, I tend to turn inward. This means I will shut people out, as my good friend Honeysmoke knows all too well.
I learned long ago to put on a happy face even when inside I'm not feeling all that happy, and that takes a lot out of me. Sometimes when Friday comes, I'm spent. All I wanna do is go home, get in my bed and recharge so I can face the next day.
That's how I felt last Friday evening. I had an invitation to go to a party at TravelDiva's house for another blogger, ForNot. I had been looking forward to it all week because I needed and wanted to be out and among good people, but as soon as I got home, I felt the shut down coming on. However, I pushed on through, took a shower, ironed some clothes, cut on some music to get me going and I didn't let myself stop or slow down or otherwise talk myself out of it.
Then I put on the jeans and top I had planned to wear and the 15 pounds I have gained over the past month and a half of laying around feeling extra sorry for myself looked awful. I took that off and sat down on the bed. Then I laid on it. In my head I was thinking, what excuse can I come up with at this last minute for not showing up?
But hometraining overruled ratchedassness and I got up, found a dress that camouflaged some of the fat and rolled on out to the shindig. And I'm glad I did because TravelDiva made me feel very welcome in her home and I had a great time meeting some of the other web peoples who comment on Monica Mingo's blog.
Though I talk a lot, it's mostly to cover up that I'm shy-ish. And dealing with all this emotional upheaval doesn't help. So, this isn't the last time that I'll probably have to push myself to get up and get out over the next few months. But I'll make sure to remember how good it is once I get to the other side when I'm searching for excuses to stay in my head.