"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Monday, October 4, 2010

Love and Luggage

I have a friend that moved across country with an SO for a new job. The SO found a new job in the same city and everything was lovely.

When the economic crisis happened the SO lost their job, but was able to find freelance work and the couple made it work.

Then the friend lost their job and ended up getting a new gig pretty quickly but on the opposite coast.

Friend moved and they had a long distance relationship for about a year until the SO decided they couldn't do it anymore and broke it off.

My friend beat the bushes and got a new job and is back on the other coast with the SO. The relationship is all good now. But my friend hates the new job.

Here's my question to you: Would you do all this moving around for someone you weren't married to?

I'm not asking this question in a judgmental way, I'm trying to better understand my views on relationships and commitment and why I feel/believe the things I do.

For example, I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do all this life rearranging for someone who wasn't longterm committed to me and, for me, that would mean marriage. But I think that's because I don't trust other people enough. Or maybe I don't trust myself enough.

I know people who are making these kinds of moves and decisions all of the time and it seems to work out perfectly fine.

So why is it marriage or nothing for ME? Hm.

What say you?


  1. Relationships have fell by the wayside these days and folks know this. When they find something with even the remote possibility of existing...they try until it breaks them.

  2. I agreed to move across the country for a relationship, without any guarantees. He proposed before I actually got there. We got married. Then we got divorced.

    I don't regret pursuing it, but I do regret marrying him. That's just me.

    To me, the only way it's a poor decision to uproot yourself for a relationship is if you do it without being square (with yourself AND the other person) about what you're willing to give up and what you're not.

  3. I went to the wrong law school for the wrong guy. In the words of pretty woman...big mistake...BIG...HUGE. But I can't do anything about it. It was a fine school. But not close to the best one I got into. But he was in business there. We didn't work out. In fact my moving for him when what he liked about me was my independence probably damaged the relationship and caused its eventual downfall. I will NEVER move for a guy ever again, UNLESS I have a ring and ONLY if the move, i.e. his job or his opportunity or his family necessitates it and my job, my family doesn't need me/us more. It would have to be the right decision for both of us. Not just him. But who know about your friend? If they have made it through job losses and moves and broken up and gotten back together then maybe they really are meant to be and she doesn't have a choice in her head or her heart and being rational isn't an option. All I can say, is that SO better put a ring on it soon. Lots of guys would jump on a girl willing to love and cater to their needs on both coasts in one lifetime. Cheers, T. the marathonsmistress.blogspot.com

  4. Anonymous10/05/2010

    To quote Whitney Houston, "hell to the naw." Maybe I'm old-school, but no ring, no moving (unless I happened to have planned to move to that particular city all along).

  5. Anonymous10/05/2010

    If it works for them , it's all good. These people, while not married, seem pretty committed to each other. If marriage is what you want and what you desire, that's what you should strive for.

  6. Hm...I thought I commented before, but now it's not here. So, sorry in advance if you get this twice:

    I used to think that people who moved across country like this were crazy. But, now that I'm in a more serious relationship (granted, sans ring), I'm thinking twice. I do, however, agree with Toddy that it has to be the right decision for both of us.

  7. Anonymous10/05/2010

    Hmm, I don't think that I would. Uprooting my life on the possibility of a maybe? Nah, I'm a little too cautious for that. Perhaps I'm just the nervous type, but I'd need for their to be an engagement and a real plan for our united future.

  8. Anonymous8/20/2011

    To quote Whitney Houston, "hell to the naw." Maybe I'm old-school, but no ring, no moving (unless I happened to have planned to move to that particular city all along).


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