"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Holiday Servings

I always cook (I'm better at it and enjoy it) and I always fix Mr. SLS's plate. Sometimes I'll even put it on a tray and take it to him. I don't think of it as being subservient or submissive. I do it because it is a loving gesture for me, but also because that is how the women in my family raised me. My mother did it for my dad and my stepmom does it for him now (if she's not around, I do it). My aunts do it for my uncles. My cousin does it for her husband. I've also noticed that Mr. SLS's sister and sister-in-law do it for their husbands.

A couple of summers ago when Mr. SLS and I went to Hilton Head with my family, my uncle brought his girlfriend along. I fixed Mr. SLS's plate while uncle's girlfriend sat at the table waiting after fixing her plate. My uncle watched me bring my husband's plate to him and said very pointedly to his girlfriend who had been pressing him to get married: "See that is how you get a husband."

Now, my uncle is 60-some years old and has traditional views of the roles women play in a marriage. My father is also oldschool and loves my stepmom. She fixes his plate and is sometimes a shortorder cook for him, he makes sure she can buy shoes and handbags because she likes to shop and that her BMW is always in tiptop shape, among other things. My stepmom told me no one has ever loved her like my dad does. My dad has been happy for the past 20 years.

A friend of mine recalled a story about the way her mother-in-law's husband sat and waited for his plate to be made at a Thanksgiving dinner and how she told her husband if he EVER sat around waiting on her to do that he would be hungry (I think I'm remembering this right).

So here's the discussion point: Do you do this for your spouse/significant other? If so, why? If not, why?

11 comments:

  1. TiffanyInHouston11/17/2010

    I don't always fix my husband's plate, but I will and sometimes he will fix mine. But I almost always fix his lunch when he takes one. I am also the back scratcher, bump buster, scalp greaser, wallet and keys holder, and bill payer.

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  2. Anonymous11/17/2010

    Hmm, I think if you want to do it, that's fine. But to just sit there and expect it? No way, Jose.

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  3. He fixes his, I fix mine. If fixing a man's plate is the way to get a husband, then I'll be single rest of my life. Then again, I'm not interested in marriage anyway so I guess I'm a special case. ;) I gotta cook AND fix his plate??? Shhhiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt!!!!! I told him recently he needs to take some cooking classes because I'm not into cooking a hot meal every night. Shucks, I work hard too!! Fix me a damn hot meal AND a plate! Girl, you got me started! LOL!

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  4. SingLikeSassy11/17/2010

    @Bree: I KNEW you would post something like this. LOL!

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  5. Anonymous11/17/2010

    This is not me.

    Bear stayed with me early on for a few days when my security system was not working. I felt good to have a meal prepared for him when he arrived. I do not recall fixing his plate although I did probably fix his drink.

    Boo used to cook for me, he would fix my plate, and I liked that a lot.

    I remember watching my mother doing this for her male friend and it just BLEW my mind. I was a child and she rarely fixed my plate. It was like the Twilight Zone seeing this woman, I did not recognize -- not that I know her anyway.

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  6. I sure would. Then again, I'm a southern girl, and that's how we do it. Not only would I fix tbe food, I'd serve it and then leave my plate to deliver seconds for him. I'm not married but I do this when I cook for my boyfriend. HOWEVER, this is a personal preference. I happen to be an independent career woman who appreciates traditional gender roles (as interpreted by me).

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  7. "I'm a southern girl, and that's how we do it."

    Same here, for the hubby and my sons.

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  8. I definitely fix and serve my boyfriends plate, open and serve beer, and pour wine all the time. I actually enjoy catering to him in this manner. On the flip, he opens the car door-consistently, opens any door we approach-consistently, takes all bags from my hands promptly, even if its just 3 items we stopped to pick up at Walgreens. On our first date, he put Splenda in my hot tea and stirred it for me, and on our third date at a restaurant, when they brought the to-go container, he took the plate and fork from my hands, put the food in the container and in the bag for me. It was an unusual but a caring gesture to me and it really stood out. Different people appreciate different things. Compatibility is key.

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  9. Of course I do. Unless he's the one preparing plates that night. This is usually indicated by him walking into the kitchen and opening a cabinet. I'm SURE no one thinks I'm about to jump up and take the plate out his hand right?

    Right.

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  10. Anonymous8/20/2011

    This is not me.

    Bear stayed with me early on for a few days when my security system was not working. I felt good to have a meal prepared for him when he arrived. I do not recall fixing his plate although I did probably fix his drink.

    Boo used to cook for me, he would fix my plate, and I liked that a lot.

    I remember watching my mother doing this for her male friend and it just BLEW my mind. I was a child and she rarely fixed my plate. It was like the Twilight Zone seeing this woman, I did not recognize -- not that I know her anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous8/20/2011

    Hmm, I think if you want to do it, that's fine. But to just sit there and expect it? No way, Jose.

    ReplyDelete

Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy