"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Charmed Life

I've come to realize that I have had a long run of good luck. Seriously.

I came to this conclusion as I was trying to understand why I'm thrown so off balance when I have a string of good days and then a bad day pops up. Everybody has bad spells. Right?

Wrong. Before last year my bad days were few and far between and generally consisted of a flat tire or something small like that. No major crises. 

So this long long run of good luck, good news and happy times was the norm for me. If I wanted a job, I got it. If I needed something, it arrived. Money was there, love was there, health was there, family was there. I haven't had to work real hard at anything in a long time. 

The tides have turned though (at least for the moment) and I've had trouble adjusting to the new paradigm. 

First, I wanted a baby and despite medical assistance it didn't happen. Wait, what?!  

I wanted a happy ending to my love story and that didn't happen either. Da hell? 

Since when did I not get what I wanted?!!!!! ::stomps foot like the 3-year-old I really am::

Now, two or three days of happy happy happy lulls me into thinking I'm back to my old rhythm. Then that bad day will crop up and I'm damn near pushed to the edge.

But that said, I will survive. I'll adjust. And I am much more appreciative (and believe me I was thankful for my good fortune and life before!) of how comfortable I was with my long stretches of peace. 

But there is a reason for everything even if I can't see or understand it right now. I'm pretty sure the lesson will reveal itself once it's learned. Maybe it's to not take a good life for granted. Never assume things can't and won't change. Who knows?

Happy weekend y'all! 

**Pecked out with thumbs on my iPhone**

Friday, February 25, 2011

Did ya miss meeeee??

I shut this down last week in an emotional moment because I felt like this was where I had chronicled my marriage and I want to move on from that so I should move on from the blog.

And I was all good with that until today when I got up and ran some important moving back into my house errands and then had a killer workout at my new gym and I thought, "things are turning around, why the hell should I abandon something I like to do cause of that muhfug?"

So I'm back! I'm like Jay-Z and I retire two, three, fo' times then come out of retirement bringing it HARDER!

Let's do this yo.

::drops mic::

Friday, February 18, 2011

I *was* loved...

This morning I was running late and trying to understand why I only saw two pairs of black shoes when I know every other pair of shoes I buy are black.

I looked in a couple of closets and found all kinds of shoes and boots but none that were black. Finally, I looked under the bed and I found some of my black shoes.

But I also found a shoebox. I looked in it just in case Mr. SLS had put a pair of my shoes in it and what I found were his passport, his birth certificate, a copy of our marriage license and all the love letters I wrote to him in April 2006 when I went to Africa. Every last one. Ordered by date.

I didn't have time to cry about it, but I can't even begin to tell you how much that meant to me in that moment. It also didn't hurt that I told him how I felt about the flower and card and when I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep in the middle of the night he talked to me and rubbed my back until I could nod off (<--yes, I'm a 3-year-old).

Maybe I'll keep the little orchid. Maybe.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Baby Trashes Bar in Las Palmas



Hey, it's almost Friday. Hahahahahaaaaaaaaa

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

F you and f that, too!


On Valentine's Day I ended up working late because of some last minute scheduling shifts due to people being out sick and a project that needed to get done.

Not a problem, as I didn't have any plans or anything.

I get home and I'm dog tired, real damn irritated from work ish and admittedly feeling a little down about love and all that. When I open the door, I see an orchid and a card waiting for me from Mr. SLS.

I wasn't expecting anything at all so I will say I was pleasantly surprised. Til I read the card, which said some shit about how he was blessed that I was still his friend despite all that had happened blahblah.

It took all I had not to knock that gotdayum flower on the floor and step on the crushed up pieces of it then rip the card up and sprinkle it on the top. He took what would have been a nice gesture -- and trust me, when I first saw it, all I thought was, "what a nice ending to a jacked up day," no part of me thought this was some ploy to make up or get back together -- and made it something else.

But for real, our shit hasn't been scorched earth because I haven't let it be. See, my husband is a cheater and a liar. Pick which one you think is worse.

So that little bullshit card, while I'm sure he meant something with it, just made me want to rage out up in there and bust all his shit up and throw it in the street.

Why? Cause gotdaymit you promised to LOVE, HONOR AND RESPECT ME. UNTIL DEATH DO US PART. YOU VOWED THAT TO ME IN FRONT OF OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. AND NOW IT'S ALL FUCKED UP AND BECAUSE I'M TOO EMOTIONALLY TIRED TO BE/STAY MAD YOU WANNA GIVE ME THIS LITTLE FLOWER LIKE SHIT IS ALL GOOD??! LIKE ALL IS FORGIVEN AND WE'RE GOING TO GRIP EACH OTHER UP LIKE BOYS???!!! KISS MY BIG ROUND BROWN ASS MUTHAFUCKA.

WHOO SAIIIII, WHOOO SAIIIII <--this is me trying not to get mad about this shit all over again.

I threw the card away and the plant is on my dresser. I don't want it. Maybe I'll take it work and give it to a coworker. Or throw it in that messy ass room of his. Please pray that I will be back in my own house soon. I'm ready for this failed marriage and all its baggage to be behind me.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Thank @veronicamarche for this foolishness!

So much wrong and yet SO VERY RIGHT about this! Enjoy. BWAAAAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Monday, February 14, 2011

Life is about choices...

Sometimes we forget that. I could be sad today because I don't have a valentine again but...

OK, when I started writing this about an hour ago, I was all sweetness, light, hearts and arrows.

Then as I sat on the phone during a conference call and scrolled through my Facebook and other feeds and saw all the love-related stuff, I started to feel a little teary.

This morning Mr. SLS told me Happy Valentine's Day when he woke me up (I was oversleeping). We met about two weeks before V-day and that very first one he had a gig and so we only got to see each other for a little bit after the gig ended, but he still got me some flowers and a card. It was nice. Not necessary at the time, but nice.

In the years since I can't even tell you what we've done on Valentine's day. I tried to remember what we did last year and my mind drew a blank. But as I type this I remember now that we took a couples cooking class, which was really fun and I would recommend it if you're looking for something outside the norm to do.

I didn't know this time last year that my marriage was over. Had no idea. I'm looking at the pics from that cooking class on my phone right now and seeing the smiles on our faces and wondering...what the hell happened? I mean, I know what happened but...I dunno what I'm trying to say here. Sigh.

Anyway, I've been relying on this song by Kirk Franklin to lift my spirits when I feel them dipping. It's particularly good for me because I smile. A lot. People at work comment on it -- that I always seem happy. I'm not always happy. But I know how to fake it. And it won't always be this way....

If you are trying to decide whether or not to be happy today or tomorrow or next week, maybe this song will help you, too.

Take care and Happy Valentine's day.



P.S. I'm wearing my wedding set today, partly because dammit it's pretty and I love my engagement ring and partly because it reminds me that, not so long ago, my husband thought he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Rather than focus on the end, I'm going to CHOOSE to focus on the beginning.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Holding Your Tongue

I told my nosy co-irker that she was nosy. It bubbled up and popped out. I'm pretty sure it hurt her feelings. But I meant it.

Oh well, she'll be OK (and I should note that I *do* like her she just happens to do stuff that irritates me).

In any case, hope you all are having a great Friday and I leave you with this:

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Making friends

A friend of mine had a post today about making women friends so I'm stealing her idea and riffing on it over here. Read her post though cause it's good!

I am terrible at making friends. Terrible, I tell you. I am chatty (often it's nervous chatter because I am shy, but I work hard NOT to be) and will talk to most people when I meet them, but it's the follow up -- the getting numbers and calling later and stuff that I don't do. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that it's awkward. And feels slightly stalkerish. (<--this is me showing I'm insecure)

Thank the baby jeebus it's not awkward for everyone otherwise I would have no friends. One of my best friends is Honeysmoke. We met at in a newsroom in another city and state long ago. She got there about two months before I did. I had one built-in friend there already -- my best guy friend, who helped recruit me to the paper -- and was kinda making friends with another colleague, who was a sorority sister and lived in the same apartment complex I had chosen. But, I was still new, it was the first time I had lived so far away from home and I was homesick.

Anyway, my first week there a happy hour at a newish club came up and Honeysmoke asked another coworker if they wanted to go. He said no, then told her to "ask the new girl." So she did. We went and 14 years, two weddings, three home purchases, moves to new cities and states, two babies, several IVF treatments and a pending divorce later, we are still friends.

One of the things that keeps me rooted in D.C. at this point (because I really want to be down South where the winters are milder) is that it took me so long to make friends. I don't want to start over.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Stupid tears. Stupid music.

Was listening to the NPR Jazz stream -- y'all should check that out, it's niiice, REAL nice (said in my Bernie Mac voice).

Most of the songs are stuff Mr. SLS plays regularly, however, this one song that came on he wrote an arrangement for him and his friends that I listen to a lot. I love hearing him play it and when Chick's version came on it made me tear up. Sigh.



He seems to think we will be friends forever, but I've pointed out to him that as soon as one of us gets boo'd up, that's done. You can't have a successful new relationship with one foot stuck in the old one and I can't imagine any new suitor or lady wanting to compete with the leftovers of a failed marriage.

That said, I will miss the music.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Did you brush your teeth?

Dear faithful SLS readers...

...I have made a big -- HUGE -- decision. I will need your support.

Imma get me some weave like this right here for my birthday this year:



DO NOT TRY AND STOP ME! HATERZ FALL BACK!

That is all, thanks and bye.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

HAHAHAA!

OK, I can be...chatty. If I'm drunk, I'm chatty. If I drink caffeine too late at night, I'm chatty. Too much sugar at night, I'm chatty. And most of this chatting happens when other folks are trying to sleep.

ANYWAY, Mr. SLS took to referring to me as the little bat in this cartoon and for some reason I stumbled on to this today and it cracked me up. Cause I can see how this would be irritating as hell. It's a miracle he didn't cut me. LOL!!!

Dear co-irker...

Stay in your lane. And stop being so damn nosy. It's not cute. You think it is, but it's not.

Stop it.

Signed,

The chick you need to stop fuggin' wit.