"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I curled up next to my husband last night...

I am not adjusting well to the loss of daily affection. Mr. SLS is a hugger, handholder and a kisser. We snuggled ALL OF THE TIME. Even now every morning before he leaves the house for work, he kisses me on the forehead and tells me to have a good day.

I have been working odd-ish hours and running around trying to get the fine details of this house stuff together and I fell asleep last night about 8 p.m.

I woke up about an hour or so later when I heard him coming in. I am not a napper so I ended up not being able to go back to sleep and at about 1 a.m. I got out of my bed and went and got in the bed with him.

After tucking me in he asked me what was wrong and I said I couldn't go back to sleep. He said, OK and pulled me in close and nodded back off.

I lay there quietly listening to him breathe thinking about the hundreds of nights we had slept like that over the past six years. I cried a little bit because these are the last days of disco. In a few weeks I'll be moved out and there will be no more snuggling, no more morning kisses goodbye on the forehead. No more marriage.

Eventually I fell asleep and we slept like that for the rest of the night.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Springtime brings a skip to my step

So, just as I suspected, 2011 has brought me much more joy and happiness than sucky 2010.

Things have actually leveled off with Mr. SLS.

I just got a raise and promotion.

My house is coming along, albeit slowly (which reminds me I need to call some folks).

And most importantly I FEEL better. I feel like getting up in the morning and getting out into the world. The sun helps with that, I think. The warmth does, too, as I hate winter clothes. I hate coats and hats and sweaters and being all bundled up and hidden (though I did buy this cute coat last fall in a blue jeweled tone that I got many many compliments on).

I like sundresses and sandals. I like shades and my toes all painted pretty. I really should live somewhere down South where it's warm most of the year.

My birthday is coming in a few weeks and I had initially thought I would take a trip but now it seems I'll prolly be moving back home or at least using the days off to pack in preparation for the move. That's OK, too.

I was watching the movie Terms of Endearment last night and laughing because it's a movie me and my mom watched together a lot AND my mother is Aurora Greenway all damn day long.

Annnnd that's all I got. Have a good one!

Monday, March 21, 2011

"Uncle Tom" and "Field Negro"

I was responding to this post over on TiffanyInHouston's blog, which was a response to OneChele's weekend post about the Grant Hill/Jalen Rose fracas when I realized I was about to blog in her comments so I just brought my response over here where I can stretch out.

Among my mother's siblings there were issues between the oldest three children -- who were all born in the 1940s, went to college, did well and have a serious work ethic -- and the youngest three children who were teens during the early 70s and got into a lot of ish (recreational drugs, partying etc.) instead of going to school and preparing for life.

The younger three do alright now but for years -- even as a kid -- I could tell there was some jealousy especially regarding my mother's oldest brother who is a successful small business owner. He is generous when he wants to be but NEVER comes up out the pocket for people who try to act like he owes them something just for living, which would irritate the youngest three because they had some entitlement issues.

Even now they taunt my mother (she's the youngest of the oldest three) about being a teacher and "having all those degrees." My mother is the only one with a post-graduate degree.

But then, my Grandma (love her but she is messy as hell) treated them differently, too, which is prolly why I think of them as the oldest three and youngest three. She is/was more loving and permissive with the younger three kids and is/was really hard on the oldest three. Even today the younger three can do no wrong, meanwhile my mama, aunt and uncle (the oldest three) who all have stepped up and sacrificed to take care of her (trading off staying with her every night and taking her to doc appts etc) so she can stay in her house and not go to a nursing home have to listen to a lot of complaints, criticism and insults.

Then on my father's side my Granny (love her, still miss her, sigh) didn't like my mom for my father because she was darkish (Granny was definitely color struck) and she didn't think my mom's family was bougie enough. My Granny was VERY much about who your family is (she would always ask "who are their people?"), whether they were educated etc. A few members of her family played a large role in some civil rights era stuff and even received a posthumous award from the president, so my little working class, bootstrappy mama's family was not good enough for her.

That said, they ALL LOVE and take care of me.

Now, among my cousins I don't feel much envy, but most are doing well, though some have taken less of the traditional route that I've taken.

The only person I've felt any kind of class/race animosity from is one of my Grandma's sisters. She lived in D.C. until a couple of years ago and when I had my housewarming I invited her because, hey, she was my great-aunt.

Well, she was SHOCKED to say the least that white people were IN MY HOUSE, touching stuff and eating. And from that moment on she has made many snide remarks about it -- "I know SingLikeSassy won't come cause she's prolly sitting up with those white people." Or, "I'm surprised you aint with your white people today." Ignant stuff like that. Now she's 80-some so I don't get greasy about the mouth with her but I did stop dealing with her cause I'm not listening to foolishness, which I think is part of why she moved back down South. *Kanye shrug* She made one or two comments like that down home and my mama shut her down so it may be in control now.

And for some reason this alllll makes me think of Uncle Ruckus:

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Say what now?

Back in January I signed up for a 5K race with a group of my coworkers. Then promptly forgot about it.

Yesterday I got a note about it and I was like, oh snap! I have to run a race! I forgot! I'm not in any condition to run a race! Why did I say I would run this race?!! I've never run a race!

Well guess what? I'm running a race. In May. This is March. And we have sprung forward. There is time for me to get my sneakers on and resume my Couch to 5K training I was doing last summer. Hopefully that will be enough to help me finish the race.

Wish me luck and let's hope I don't embarrass my employer when I crawl over the finish line. LOL!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Tomorrow is not promised to any of us!

I just did a google to find the current websites for photographers I worked with in the past back in my hone state because we have an assignment down there and I know those people do good work.

The google turned up some really sad news about one of them and it made my chest hurt just thinking about how great a guy he is and how devastated I know he is over the loss.

It reminded me how blessed I am to still have my parents, even if they are crazy bed bugs.

It reminded me how blessed I am to be in fairly good health. Some people didn't wake up this morning. Others woke up, but are in great pain.

It reminded me how blessed I am to be able to do renovations to my house when some people are losing their homes and/or have nowhere to live.

It reminded me how blessed I am to have a job where I am paid well, appreciated and thought of enough to be included in some key strategic meetings about the future of the organization.

I called a friend recently in the middle of the night because I was just so upset and I needed to talk to HER. Why? She has a faith-based life and is one of the few people I know who can make sugar out of shit. I needed her to find some sugar in my shit. When I got off the phone, I went to bed and slept like a baby. I am blessed to have that friend.

One of my goals this year is to be a better person. This means being more gracious when I might usually snap with impatience. Being more generous when I might otherwise opt to be stingy.

It also means recognizing everyday that I am blessed.

Have a great day y'all! ::waves::

Monday, March 14, 2011

Friends, How Many Of Us Have Them?

Mr. SLS and I have two sets of realllllly good couple friends that we each brought to the marriage.

We would hang out with them and they looked out for us and we all had a good time. Both couples had some similar issues as we did regarding infertility so none of us had children and at one time all three of us women were doing an IVF cycle at the same time.

Well now that we are splitting, we've had to all go to our own corners. Meaning, my couple is mine and his couple is his. I've been a little sad about it actually cause we were planning a trip to the Dominican Republic with his couple that's now cancelled. Well, maybe not cancelled, but I'm not going.

BUT yesterday, my couple had me over for brunch. I had THE BEST TIME! And I never even noticed that Mr. SLS wasn't there or whatever. We ate good food and sipped bellinis and played Scrabble and listened to jazz and laughed and it was such a relaxing day. LIke old times.

They've even told me if I decide to do the kid thing alone, they will be part of my village.

And now my other friend is back from her two week-long trip to Africa with her sweetie. Can't wait to hear all the exciting details!

That's all. ::waves::

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away -- Sting

I went to Sears (shoutout to Cyndy: THANKS FOR THE TIP!) and bought all new kitchen appliances last night.

Did y'all know kitchen appliances are high? Well, if you didn't know, I am here to tell you that they are HIGH. And that's with stuff on sale AND me batting my eyelashes and getting the manager to cut some off here and there.

But even if I wasn't repulsed by the stove, refrigerator and built-in microwave I have in the house already because the nasty, filthy, disgusting tenants touched them, I would still likely be getting new appliances because the ones in the house came with the house and are years and years and years old. So it's a good financial move.

After I spend all this money doing things over in my house I'm going to actually have to budget and stuff. Not that I am not fiscally responsible, but I'm not about to spend ALL my liquid savings so I'm putting some of this on credit cards. That means I won't be able to just buy this and that cause I'll need to be tackling the debt.

Any other time I would be panicked about it cause I hate debt and bills. HATE. But, I'm getting what I want and I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

I'm torn though. I mean, the house will be better than it was when I left (still not my dream house but...) but going back means my marriage is over. Yes, yes, it's over now but I mean moving back in my house means my marriage is OVER. DONE. KAPUT. FINIS.

Not sure I'm ready. But it's time. We need to disentangle ourselves from each other.

The other day Mr. SLS was pumping gas for me. I went and got a drink. He said, "You didn't bring me a drink?" I said, "No, that's what wives do. It's not my job to take care of you any more." He looked funny in the face and said, "Oh."

Then this morning he called me on his way to work cause he was listening to NPR and heard the story about Snoop from The Wire getting arrested. We watched all the seasons of The Wire one summer. We would schedule our lives around it! So we talked and laughed about that for 15 minutes.

His birthday is tomorrow and it's been odd not planning a big blowout something for him. I will do him the kindness of a card but beyond that nothing. Maybe them hoes his new "friends" will do something for him.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Say my name, say my name!

I always knew I would take my husband's name. For me, it was about becoming a cohesive unit and, I have to admit, carryover of some issues my mother has that she passed along to me about everyone in the family having the same name.

I have never felt that I *had* to keep my dad's name to honor his family and all that jazz. I mean, I love my dad, but he has a brother, several half-brothers from my grandad's first marriage (his wife died) and a son to pass along his name. It ain't dying out any time soon.

In terms of my professional life as a journalist, when making the decision to change, I felt like if people couldn't sort out that SingLike Sassy was SingLikeSassy Vaughan, that was their problem. Plus, I've done my best work and won the most awards under my married name, IMO. (Maybe because I was happier and more productive/creative as a married woman? Interesting.)

But now that I'm getting divorced I've been asked a couple of times if I plan to drop my married my name.

Uh, no.

That has surprised some people who seemed to assume I would change my name back. I am SingLikeSassy Vaughan now. That person is different than SingLike Sassy. I've had some new life experiences -- good and bad -- and I now feel connected to my name as it is. It is me.

Will I change it if I remarry? Depends. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Side note: Mr. SLS' mom was married four times and changed her name back to her maiden name each time she divorced.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Giving Up Against All Odds

First, let's pay homage to Phil Collins who announced today he was leaving the music business:

Secondly, I woke up yesterday and for some reason I needed some Donny Hathaway -- not just any old Donny Hathaway, but THIS Donny Hathaway:

Friday, March 4, 2011

A house is not a home...

My tenants are gone. *throws confetti* That's the good news.

The bad news is they destroyed my house. Sigh. I won't go into details here but just know that I almost vomited from the smell.

That said, I am Johnita on the spot and I've got folks hired to clean it out and paint it, I'm meeting a contractor tomorrow morning so I can pick out new cabinet, countertop and backsplash materials for the kitchen and I'm about to use googlefu to see if I can find a deal on some new appliances (I will NEVER use that stove and refrigerator again. Not ever). He's also going to refinish the hardwood floor in the kitchen.

Then I'll have the carpet replaced and since I'm changing stuff out, I want a new front door, new lighting fixtures and some window planters.

Finally, I've got my new furniture all picked out and I've been walking around with swatches in my purse to match up with carpet and paint samples! Here's a preview:

But all this means that I am making moves to get back in my house BAY-BAYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

It also means I'm going to be broke though I did tell Mr. SLS to snatch $75K of equity out of his house and give me that damn money to fix mine. He hasn't responded yet. I may have to send in my enforcer, aka Mama SLS. LOL!

Anyway, the sun is out and it's a new day and I'm feeling gooooooddddddddd.

How y'all doin'?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

This has run me hot ta-DAYYYYYYY ::channeling Bernie Mac::

I don't remember what I had planned to post about today, but whatever it was it would never be as shocking as this post right here.

I know how it feels to be cheated on and lied to by someone who was supposed to love, honor and cherish you. You're planning a life and they are planning their next tryst.

But to take it 20,000 steps further and try what this person is attempting is beyond the pale.

Read the back story then read the latest post and see if you don't want to choke somebody out when you finish.