"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Sunday, June 26, 2011

More dating yada

(Read this and then come back to my post otherwise it may not make sense)

When I saw the pic and read the first few graphs of this week's DateLab I thought "OH COOL!" This couple seemed well-matched in many ways. Both educated, professional, not bad on the eyes and I liked that he was very upfront about his faith. He also said that he was dating purposefully. She seemed to be looking for someone kind, giving and sincere with a strong faith base.

Then they met and he didn't look like she wanted him to and the whole thing went south from there.

(READER ALERT: Here's where I start rambling...)

This is one of those times when people say something and then do things that contradict what they said. I see it a lot in dating. If you want to marry a professional guy with fitty-leven degrees, that's fine, but you prolly won't meet him if you are spending all your free time with the club bouncer. Just admit that what you really like are dudes that are a little more rough around the edges and you can stop stressing yourself out.

When it comes to dating, I try to stay flexible. I mean, I have some non-negotiables but I try to keep that list short. And now that I am divorcing I have some new lessons to add to my relationship knowledge arsenal that I hope will be useful in separating the wheat from the chafe.

While on the date with Mr. Match 1 he mentioned something about "the numbers," slyly referring to the supposed shrinking pool of eligible black men.

To that I said, "If and when I want another husband, I will get one, that ain't no problem." He was visibly taken aback. Now whether or not I believe that is beside the point, my parents taught me to be on top of whatever game I'm in. So I needed him to understand that I am the catch, not him. He needed to be trying to get MY attention as I'm trying to decide if I want to spend time with HIM. Damn that numbers propaganda.

I believe in love. I do. And I am very open to having love in my life again. I don't want or even like to play games. So miss me with that "ain't but a handful of good brothers left" nonsense.

7 comments:

  1. In terms of the date lab piece, she's gonna kick herself in 10 years. But I do understand when things don't click. Now to your situation, I agree. I really wished more women would treasure who they are and realize they are GOLDEN. We are the prize!

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  2. I bet Match dude had never heard that from a chick before, especially with ya'll living in Choco City. It just like I told M2 when we moved from talking via chat to talking on the phone: Boys call girls, not the other way around.

    You chose one husband, so why couldn't you choose another one.

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  3. Anonymous6/26/2011

    um, yeah, set him straight from the beginning.

    i, too, was surprised the couple didn't like each other. it's tough out there.

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  4. I was surprised that they didn't get along better too but I think it was on both of them, though. He listed as one of his desired traits that he wanted a woman who loved to travel but he's only been to Canada? o_O And she clearly wasn't feeling the date after she saw him.

    If I was dating a guy and he mentioned anything about "numbers", or a "ratio", I always checked out. It's a sign of his thinking that he's a super-duper-catch and I've gone out with enough dudes who think they're some sort of mythical creature because they're black and educated without kids to last me a lifetime. It's nice for them but it's not that flipping special. That's the only type of guy I've ever dated and I have plenty of dating "experience". :-)

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  5. Funny enough my gf went out w/ DateLab guy recently and said he was super cheap...like he took her out for a cheap date...like ice cream or something & wanted her to go dutch on it. Sooo there's probably more to the story on DateLab than meets the eye lol.

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  6. I was surprised that they didn't get along better too but I think it was on both of them, though. He listed as one of his desired traits that he wanted a woman who loved to travel but he's only been to Canada? o_O And she clearly wasn't feeling the date after she saw him.

    If I was dating a guy and he mentioned anything about "numbers", or a "ratio", I always checked out. It's a sign of his thinking that he's a super-duper-catch and I've gone out with enough dudes who think they're some sort of mythical creature because they're black and educated without kids to last me a lifetime. It's nice for them but it's not that flipping special. That's the only type of guy I've ever dated and I have plenty of dating "experience". :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. In terms of the date lab piece, she's gonna kick herself in 10 years. But I do understand when things don't click. Now to your situation, I agree. I really wished more women would treasure who they are and realize they are GOLDEN. We are the prize!

    ReplyDelete

Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy