"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Friday, August 12, 2011

PAPERS FILED, COURT DATE SET!

Y'all know when I decide to do something I don't let my feet get heavy, right?

After I posted earlier about some of the reasons I hadn't filed for divorce yet, I decided to walk my self on down the street to the courthouse and file the papers. I don't need to wait for Mr. SLS to do that.

I texted him to send me his SS# (cause I always transpose two numbers in it when I try to do it from memory) and that I would go ahead and file the papers rat now. He said, OK, sent me that and his drivers license number, and then he transferred money into my account to pay the filing fee. That ninja is rhet to be done with me. LOL!

So, as of 2:15 p.m. today, Friday, Aug. 12, the divorce papers are filed and the court date is set. Apparently it's pretty straightforward when you don't have babies, money and stuff to argue over.

As I walked down the street to the courthouse, I had to admit to myself that another reason I hadn't filed (beyond those I listed earlier) was I wanted him to divorce ME. I didn't like the idea of some legal file somewhere saying that I quit my marriage. Cause I didn't. HE did. I remained faithful and steadfast to the vows that I made to him in front of our friends, family and loved ones.

But waiting for him to file was stupid of me because, it's no skin off his back if we ever get divorced. He's dickin' around with whomever whenever anyway. And he doesn't want another wife. In fact, I'm surprised he brought it up. If I cared more, I'd probe to see why but...whatever.

I, on the other hand, want to be married. I want the marriage I thought THIS one was going to be -- love, honor, respect, friendship, laughter, intimacy, companionship -- all that 'til death do us part. And I know in my heart I will have it. Maybe not next week or next month or next year, but I will have it. Because, despite everything, I still believe in love and commitment.

However, I can't have any of that if I'm still legally married to Mr. SLS.

OK, enough of this for now. But know that just as I gave you blow-by-blows of my infertility experience and my fibroid surgery and my marriage dissolving, you are going to get a lot of "the road to divorce" posts.

Thanks for reading/listening, y'all.

8 comments:

  1. bkbisous8/12/2011

    Sassy, I have a feeling that you are going to be absolutely fine.

    It's very present right now, but it's so much better than you're not having to deal with someone who doesn't want to be changed.

    Looking forward to see you emerge from the other side of this even better than you are!

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  2. Anonymous8/12/2011

    honest post. lots of growth. good for you.

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  3. We've chatted about this already but you deserve to be loved the RIGHT way and to love someone in return.

    And it's always best to close one door before opening another. It just works out better that way.

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  4. Congratulations and sympathies on taking that step. It sounds like you are in a good place. Meanwhile, I didn't know you had fibroid surgery -- looks like we maybe had it in the same year, too. Wish I'd known that because I was searching for illuminating blog posts on that topic like a mofo before I had it!!

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  5. Good for you! Been there, done that. Before I filed, my ex had it in his head that he could come back and see me and the kids any old time he wanted. He was the one who left and dangled the idea that "maybe" he'd come back for good in six weeks...maybe six months, but I was supposed to live like a nun and wait for him to decide. Mmm hmm. Down the road it won't matter who filed. This last year I've been married to my second husband for 35 years (after 11 with the first) and things have worked out just fine. Best of luck to you!

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  6. Taking control of your life is wonderful. Never allow someone else to keep you in limbo. You know what you want and you can put yourself in the position to be ready for it. Think about it like this, what if you had decided to wait another 3 months for him to do it, and while waiting, the man who is supposed to be your husband encountered you, how could you explain your situation without it sounding like excuses ? Why would your future want to become involved when you were still connected to your past. It is hard. I have been there and know, but what is for you is for you & I am glad to see you take the steps to move towards your destiny. Wishing you peace with your decisions.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Taking control of your life is wonderful. Never allow someone else to keep you in limbo. You know what you want and you can put yourself in the position to be ready for it. Think about it like this, what if you had decided to wait another 3 months for him to do it, and while waiting, the man who is supposed to be your husband encountered you, how could you explain your situation without it sounding like excuses ? Why would your future want to become involved when you were still connected to your past. It is hard. I have been there and know, but what is for you is for you & I am glad to see you take the steps to move towards your destiny. Wishing you peace with your decisions.

    ReplyDelete
  8. We've chatted about this already but you deserve to be loved the RIGHT way and to love someone in return.

    And it's always best to close one door before opening another. It just works out better that way.

    ReplyDelete

Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy