"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Monday, August 29, 2011

Revelations, Part II

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about letting a guy I was crushing on who wanted to know more about me read this blog and how I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do, but I was going to step out on faith and let him in.

In the days since I shared the blog with him, the situation with that fella has changed dramatically for reasons I don't understand.

But before things went sour, he said that he had read a little, but had to stop, telling me "it seems too private and I feel a bit like a voyeur as I read."

He then followed with this: "...It is just as you are. The blog speaks in the same way you speak. I guess if you're hiding some part of you, you are also hiding it in writing. My guess, you are who you say you are and do what you say you do. There is no hidden agenda to [SingLikeSassy]. Are you as open a book as you seem?"

I tried to respond to that question at the end, but at the time was confused by it. Who the hell has energy to pretend to be two and three different people?!!! I am just me.

But that's not why I write this post.

Since we have stopped talking to each other it has been driving.me.crazy. that he might be reading this blog and getting this birds' eye view into my heart and feelings and thoughts. It feels like something I don't want to give is being taken away from me.

As I said, I use this blog to work through my feelings about situations and over the years I have made so many good friends via this blog who have supported me first through the baby disappointments and then the marriage meltdown.

When this guy hurt my feelings, I came here to write out my thoughts, but felt uncomfortable here in MY SPACE for the first time ever. I felt like I was being watched.

I considered locking the blog down and giving a password out to the longtime readers, but that eliminates the possibility of me connecting with new folks who might help me and/or other posters or be helped by what I write here.

More importantly, putting the blog behind a wall gives too much power to someone who could give two shits about me and likely isn't reading.

So I remain open -- literally and figuratively. And I thank all of you for staying with me.

I am packing and preparing to leave for a much needed vacation on Tuesday (was supposed to leave yesterday, Irene delayed it), and I may not be able to post while I am gone so have a safe and happy labor day weekend and I will type at you soon!

I took this photo while traveling on the Pacific Coast in 2009. It was relaxing then and soothes me when I look at it now.


4 comments:

  1. I want my good friends to read my blog, very much -- but at the same time that's my safe space to, like you, work through thoughts and feelings (often pertaining to them).  A few of them do know about it and I've even had situations where they read something about them and brought it up.  This really isn't an easy line to walk.

    Have fun on vacation!

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  2. Thirteenlbs8/29/2011

    Keep writing...your words are so inspiring and encouraging.

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  3. CaliGirlED8/29/2011

    Safe travels Sassy and continue to do you! That photo is amazing!!!

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  4. Mywhateva9/02/2011

    Something "similar" happened to me on my blog. It wasn't a friend but a family member. As you know, the blog hasn't been the same sense. I still write about what's on my mind, but there's a new filter that I can seem to get rid of. Good for you for plugging ahead and doing you.

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Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy