"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Monday, September 26, 2011

Supporting Players

Over on my friend Lottie's blog she's asking whether women support their men enough, given all the things we ask them to do for us. You can check it out here: 30 Something: Loving Him (Part 1)

Rather than blog in her comments, I'm going to put my response here:

When I met Mr. SLS he was going to grad school part-time and it was going to take him 1005000000 years to finish his masters degree. He had inherited some money when his mom passed away the year before that she had told him to use for something other than bills. He spent some of it taking me to Europe and to Savannah (I love Savannah!), Ga.

I encouraged him to go part-time with the school district so he could go to grad school full-time (he could finish in one year that way) and to take that money his mom left him and use it to supplement his income in the interim. Then I helped him with his papers -- proofing, editing etc. -- and went to all his recitals, including one where he was in so much pain (he had surgery sked the next day) he could barely stand and he had to lean on me to get to the car afterward.

I made him business cards to give out when he was at gigs so people could get in touch with him. I helped him make cds to share with people who wanted a sample of his music, I went to his gigs -- sometimes late into the night when I had to work the next day -- I promoted his performances among my circle of friends.

The only reason y'all know bad stuff about Mr. SLS now is because he cheated and we are divorcing. Before then, he was the best man/husband/musician EVAH. I had no problem supporting my man in achieving his dream(s) and holding him down in public and behind closed doors. I didn't do it out of obligation, I did it because I loved him and we were a family, and when he succeeded WE succeeded.

I will say, though, after all the effort and love I put into this marriage only for it to fail, I am not sure how much I am willing to do for someone else at this point. That's obviously something I will have to work through before I embark on another relationship.

And lest that all sound depressing, TiffanyInHouston wrote today about what she's learned during her first year of marriage. It made me tear up, but y'all know I'm waterworks anyway so....Happy Anniversary TMack and M2!


  1. lottie9/26/2011

    First of all, thanks for the blog shout out (YAY !)
    Secondly, this is a good post. In dating, some women
    only think about what a man can do for them without
    realizing that a real relationship requires giving as well.
    But I also have to note that many women haven't met
    "the one" who they believe is worthy of their efforts;
    someone who they would want to partner, encourage, nurture.
    It's a "wait and see" sort of thing - and maybe rightly so.

    Now to you: I understand your hesitance because you're getting
    out of something painful, but know that you are a giving and loving person
    and someone else will come along who is worthy of the love you have to give and
    will appreciate and respect your partnership.

  2. Mywhateva9/26/2011

    relationships are tough. give all you have or you'll be wondering if it was enough .... 


Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy