"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Monday, July 23, 2012

Hey! *waves*

What's everybody been up to lately?

My family has been visiting for the past two weeks (mom's side and then dad's side) and that was fun.

I'm trying to learn some basic Arabic phrases before I travel to Cairo.

Mr. SLS bought a new car and now I want a new car.

I'm still watching calories and doing water aerobics and my waistline is showing the results. Thinking about adding spinning into the mix so I can get some cardio going.

My new favorite beauty product is tinted sunblock. I've been using it all summer instead of foundation and I may never use foundation again.

I have started wearing blush every day along with always having my lips glossy and my eyelashes mascara'd. It doesn't feel as makeup-y with the tinted sunblock as it did with foundation (which I only wore on special occasions anyway). I think I look more polished on a daily basis now.

My twa is growing out nice and curly. All the juices and berries are working nicely.

I signed my doggy up for day care and he starts on Wednesday. What?

I wrote down my goal for the year and have been doing at least one thing a week toward meeting it. This has helped me to realize that I am scared to leave D.C. for another city in the U.S., but not afraid to leave it for an international city. I think this is because I could get the right job in a new city, but have to rebuild my friend network. A move to an international city would be temporary so the pressure to make friends wouldn't be as great. Does that make sense?

Oh, well. What's going with y'all?



Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I'm sorry kids....

I've been spending a lot of time managing my public persona and building up that brand and haven't had much left over for this blog.

But here's a quick stream of consciousness ramble about what's been going on with me:

I've finally figured out the best set point for calories and exercise so that I am losing weight, but not starving and I am moving but not feeling broken and sore every day.

Me and Mr. XSLS hung out on Sunday. It was almost like we were still married. He called, asked what I was doing, I said, "trying to figure out how I'm going to Cairo, China, Denver, Nice, Hollywood and Paris in the next few months." He said let's go see Prometheus, so we did. Then we grabbed some dinner, went to Home Depot and he fixed something on my car. He's a good friend.

Work has given me a headache lately, so as I noted above, I've stepped up my branding, social networking and career networking activities. I need a new gig, I'm just waiting for the right one to present itself and putting myself in positions to hear about those opportunities.

I'm loving my TWA. The ease of taking care of it, the way it feels -- everything.

I think I've accepted the fact that I may never have biological children. I still need to make peace with it though.

I've been reading this blog of a 42-year-old woman who dates younger -- much younger -- men exclusively and beyond them looking good and possibly having more, um, stamina, than an older guy, I'm not seeing the appeal. A lot of the dudes she's hanging out with are still in college and, in my mind, that means they don't have sufficient funds for entertainment, travel etc. I mean, we're talking about students here. But, it's her life and not mine so I guess I'll keep the judgment to a minimum.

I want to take my dog and move somewhere far away where I can learn a new language and culture.

I'm tired of being a homeowner. I mean, I'm grateful that I have a place to live and that I can easily pay the mortgage, but I'm tired of the constant upkeep.

Oh well, that is all.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Alone With You -- Tevin Campbell

I used to love this song, though I had to admit hearing him say, "My name's Tevin... what's yours?" like he's trying to be sexy when he looks and sounds 12 is kinda gross.


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Getting outside the comfort zone

I hang out with Mr. XSLS. We are friends. On Sunday I went to my ex-in-laws house where they were cooking out, let niece SLS play with my doggy, then Mr. XSLS and I took the dog home and went to see The Avengers again (we went to see it at midnight on opening night).

This is all cool, but didn't we get divorced because we couldn't be married? Then why are we playing?

I gave this some serious thought while in the shower yesterday because it occurred to me that we are both sort of being punks. It's easy to stay in this space with each other where it's comfortable. We were always friends, we have a lot of the same interests, we don't argue, we don't live together anymore and now, we don't have to be bothered with each other when we don't want to be, so easy peasy LEMON SQUEEZY.

But neither of us is dating, either. And no, there's no law that says we HAVE to date, but I wonder if the fact that we are getting everything but bootie from each other has made us lazy about making ourselves available.

So one of us is going to have to rip the band-aid off. Probably me.

To be honest though, back when I was all devastated about our marriage dissolving I was sure Mr. XSLS would be boo'd up quick, but with the exception of his one or two (or five) little booty call situations that hasn't been the case.

I've been on some dates and even had a sort-of-but-not-really little emotional tie with the teacher.

However, I'm content just being...alone and, again, I think that's because I'm getting a good bit of what I need companionship-wise from Mr. XSLS.

Anyway, something to think about on a Tuesday (of a short work week YAY!).

Friday, May 25, 2012

FROM THE SLS ARCHIVES SingLikeSassy: The Hitcher

My cousin Chris is just shy of one year older than me. He's an only child, his parents divorced when he was 1, our moms are sisters and we were raised more like brother and sister than cousins.

That meant we did everything together when we were kids. And our moms made it clear that we were to take care of each other. NO MATTER WHAT. If Chris jumped off the cliff my dead body better be laying next to his when he was found. It was drilled into us: STAY TOGETHER.

For a couple of summers we went to day camp at a YMCA. One day the Y took us on a field trip to a local park. I was 5, Chris was 6.

We're playing on the monkey bars and swings when Chris decides he wants to go to another part of the park we could see from where we were that had a fire truck and an airplane. I'm worried about leaving the group, but Chris wasn't changing his mind and my mama and aunt said STAY TOGETHER. So, I go too.

We get over and there are no other kids! We have it all to ourselves! What a great idea you had cousin! And we play. And play. And play.

Finally, we look up and notice that our group wasn't where we left them. We run over there and they are nowhere to be found. We look to where the buses were and they are gone. I start crying (I cried a lot as a kid, too) because, we're LOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSST, THEY LEFT USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Chris tells me to be quiet and I stop bawling and just sniffle and whimper a little while he thinks.

Then Chris says, "I guess we have to hitchhike home. Come on."

I am terrified. My daddy told me never, ever, ever, ever do that! He said you don't get in cars with strangers ever. Not never. Ever. I start crying again.

Chris takes my hand and we walk out of the park to a residential street. He tells me to stop crying. We will get home. I believe him. I shut up.

He then sticks out his thumb and I do, too, we walk for about a block. A car stops. I hunker behind Chris. A lady sticks her head out of the window and says with a frown, "What are you kids doing out here? Are you with that group from the Y?"

Chris says yes, I hold his hand ready to cry some more because if Chris gets in the car, I have to go, too. My daddy said not to, but my mama and aunt said STAY TOGETHER. NO MATTER WHAT.

Then a miracle happens. The lady tells us that our group hadn't left, it was on another side of the park. "If you hurry you can catch them," she says.

Chris and I thank this angel from God and run to that part of the park where we meet the group. The leaders have just realized we are missing. o__O

We get a popsicle, Chris and I vow not to ever tell our parents and all is good.

The next day my aunt picks us up from the Y. Chris and I are squeezed in to the front seat together and he leans in to me and -- out of the blue -- says in a stage whisper: "DID YOU TELL YOUR MAMA?"

I stage whisper back, "NO. DID YOU?"

My aunt says in her regular voice, "Tell your mama what?"

The jig is up. We have to tell it. My aunt fusses all the way to my house and then we have to tell this story again to my parents.

Somehow, some way, we don't get punished, just a stern fussing at for leaving the group AND praise because (all together now): WE STAYED TOGETHER.

Tomorrow: We're off to see the Wizard!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

From the SLS Archives: "Why do we do this to ourselves?"

This is a post from last August that made me laugh on a second read so thought I would re-post:


My girlfriend called yesterday to tell me she had decided she wanted her man back.

The short version is they got together six years ago, moved in together, sold their homes and bought one together, hit a pothole, didn't sort it out well, she got pregnant by accident in the middle of that, baby comes, she wants to get married, but hates being vulnerable and couldn't bring herself to tell him how she felt and her silence said to him she didn't care if he lived or breathed so he moved out two months ago and she watched him go. Baby is two and a half.

Two weeks ago she realized she had made a mistake so she broke down and said something. Her dude expresses shock because he had been waiting to hear all that for three years and now he's dating someone else. He needs to think about it.

She calls me explaining all this and then asks, "How do you keep doing this feelings and emotions and love stuff? I hate it. I hate the uncertainty! Why do we do this to ourselves? ARRRRGGGHH!"

I laughed but she was asking this as a SERIOUS question so I tried to give her a serious answer: "I don't know. I just keep believing it will work out."

I knew why she was asking me for advice, of all people. I told someone recently that I wear my heart on my sleeve. As such, I get my feelings hurt. A lot.

But I never stop believing I will have the love I want. My marriage is ending, but for four years I was happily and madly in love with Mr. SLS. And for all the shit talking I've done here recently, I know that he loved me, too, for at least some of that time.

Don't get me wrong. I HATEEEEEEEEEE dating. You know the early part where you're seeing someone and you feel a spark, but you're not sure it's mutual so you try to play it cool cause you don't want to get too excited, but you do all this thinking about them and your palms get sweaty when you call or text them because you don't want to call or text too much/often and in your head you're creating all kinds of scenarios for what they might be thinking when your name pops up on the screen because when their name pops up on your screen your stomach does flipflops and then when you go out on dates with them you chatter chatter chatter because you're nervous and wonder if you put on too much perfume and/or makeup and too few clothes and then at the end of the date you don't know what to do because you don't make moves on men, but boy his lips look soft and his eyes are soooo dreamy so you stand there looking stupid until he hugs you and you say goodnight and then it starts all over again? No? Just me? Oh, well, nevermind then.

Um, yeah. Where was I again? Oh, right, right, wearing my heart on my sleeve, never stop believing...

Basically, I never want to have regrets, so I take emotional risks. Sometimes they net results, sometimes I'm left laying in the bed nursing a head cold, eating Oreo cookies and watching court shows on TV.

But you have to keep trying, right?

Monday, May 21, 2012

My "perfect" man...

I somehow stumbled on Single Black Male (possibly via Slim who comments on Black 'n Bougie) and today's post was about dating, the perfect man/woman.

My "requirements" (that sounds so rigid, ugh) have changed over time and will likely continue to evolve as I learn more about myself. Here's what I wrote there about my "perfect" mate and I believe that no matter how old I get, these things will remain firm:
He would be someone who understands commitment and is willing to put in the effort and work it requires. I need someone who can teach me something(s) as I like to admire my man. Someone who is curious about the world and has sought out opportunities to learn about it. Must be funny and personable. Someone who has dated enough to know what he wants, but not so much that he's jaded about women and relationships. Someone who wants and appreciates love and understands the difference between what's good for him and what's good to him. Someone I can trust and have the confidence in to follow his leadership even when I'm not sure of the final destination. A good steward of his finances. Passionate about his career, whatever it is. Looks at me like I'm Halle Berry or whatever hawt starlet he's into. Someone who can write/express himself well. 
Note that none of that references looks, height, cars, salary minimums, clothes, hoes. Cause for me, THAT stuff is fluid (cept the hoes, I just threw that in to see if you were paying attention LOL).
Check out that blog. It seems thoughtful and well written, and I appreciate the conversation those brothers are creating. I shared it with my younger 20-something cousin and told her to read and pay attention.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

On my 24th birthday...

I was sitting with my then boyfriend all teary about the direction my life had taken, including working at a job I hated. He told me, "you have to work,  but you don't have to work there."

Life is simple. PEOPLE make it hard.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Late last summer...

...an older lady said to me, "sometimes when folks know they don't mean you no good, they just leave you alone."

Chew on that for a minute.

And HEY! *waves*

Monday, March 26, 2012

An open letter to my single sisters

Stop believing that guys hold all the cards and that they don't go through anything while navigating this dating world. They do. The good ones struggle just as much as good women do to find a mate and life partner.

Stop believing that there are no men in their late 30s/early 40s without children and/or a failed marriage behind them. YOU are childless and never married, right? You decided to wait until marriage to have children, right? So it stands to reason that there would be some men out there with the same values who have experienced some of the same relationship starts and stops that you have out in the dating world.

Stop believing that if a man is in his late 30s/early 40s and isn't/has never been married and doesn't have children, that there is something wrong with him or some crazy nefarious reason why he has remained single and childless. That may be true for SOME men, but think about it: Are you single and childless? Is there something wrong with you? 

Ladies and gentlemen, dating can be hard. Relationships even harder. But if you want love you have to get out there. It doesn't help when you take all your baggage and assumptions with you. There are good men out there just as there are good women out there, but when wading through the dating world, sometimes it can be hard to find each other. 

A longtime friend was emailing me saying he was sad about being in his early 40s and not married and the struggles he has had finding a wife. He's a smart guy, attractive, talented, ambitious, no children, traditional values, i.e. he would prefer his wife be a stay-at-home mom and he earns enough money to make that a comfortable reality. But he has had some of the same crazy dating experiences women complain about all the time (he's also moved around a lot for work).

Here's the advice I gave him: Marriage is a serious business. It takes commitment and constant work. Be sure about what it is you want -- not just the physical attributes because we all grow old and ugly (and some of us fat!), but the things that really matter, such as character, life goals, faith, finance, altruism, parenting -- and decide what a happy marriage looks like to you. Dig deep and think about what will really make you want to spend day in and day out with another person, especially when some of those days you may not like them, though you still love them. Then look around and see who fits that bill.

A man who finds a wife, finds a treasure.

That's the best advice for him and for you from my failed marriage perspective. I would like to think that if nothing else, that experience gave me a little wisdom.

And oh yeah, relish your single life!!! I realize now, that I never appreciated my single life before I was married. Don't get me wrong, I loved my husband and I loved being married.

But there are days when I come in here to find everything where and how I left it, I then feed, walk and water the puppy, eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, undress and toss my clothes into the chair, then watch some trash TV and I am good.

And on that note, I leave you with this:

Friday, March 23, 2012

I feel better

Springtime helps. I've always loved spring and summer, being able to walk around outside without 100000 layers on, sitting in the porch with a sweet tea chilling out, sandals, bike riding, birds chirping, flowers blooming.

And I have my puppy to walk and entertain and he never lets me get too down with his love licking and cuddles. This is my baby now.

And I'm going to church tomorrow, something I haven't done in a long time.

Yeah, I feel better.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Bluesing

I knew I would be randomly teary and upset for some time to come. I promised myself I would let that happen when it happened. 

But what's surprised me is, I miss my husband. I miss my marriage. I miss all the stuff I was promised in those vows. I miss the family we were sacrificing to have. 

I thought I was over all that shit?!! Sigh. 

And maybe it's because after I came home from the hospital, I slept in our old bed next to him and we watched TV and ate cookies like old times. Too many memories. 

I am very disappointed in my life right now, which is silly because it has been affected by things outside my control. 

I look ahead to the future and see....what? I close my eyes and I can see and almost smell my baby. 

I don't know. 


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

What to do with myself?

After sitting at home with my thoughts and nervous energy for days, I decided to bring myself to work cause I needed something to do that wasn't crazy.

When I'm faced with situations outside my control I tend to start looking for things I can do that I do have control over, like cutting off all my hair and dying it blonde (my hairdresser said she wants me to marinate on this for a week because she's not sure it's what I really want).

Or buying a bunch of stuff to finish decorating my living room (I saved a bunch of stuff on Pinterest, just need my handyman to come do some measurements for me).

Or trading in my roadster and buying a shiny new convertible (I need to get my car detailed before I can trade it in).

Or figuring out what to do with the empty room that was going to be the baby room (I cleared the little bit of stuff I had in there out and now it's wide open with no curtains or blinds on the windows or anything).

Or buying a doggy car seat for my puppy cause he likes to ride with his head hanging out of the window, but he wants to sit in my lap and I can't have that. And a basket for my bicycle that he can ride in. And an Avengers T-shirt for him.

I think what's really sort of blown me away is how down Mr. XSLS has been. I'll admit that, even though he was all gung-ho about our baby appointments and had promised me he would be a better father to our child than he had been a husband to me, I still sort of didn't believe he was 100 percent there with me.

Anyway, I'm not saying anything here just rambling. And listening to Yolanda.

Friday, March 2, 2012

I don't even know what to write here

Yesterday I hit the 15 week marker. Fifteen weeks people!!!

But I woke up yesterday cramping really badly. I called my ob/gyn (he had given me his cell number to call him directly if I had any questions or concerns) and he said to go to the hospital and he would meet me there.

Me and Mr. XSLS go to the hospital and from there everything is a bit of blur, but I end up under anesthesia and in surgery and I come out not pregnant.

I lost my baby girl. Sigh.

I am not taking phone calls or responding to emails or texts.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Let me back up for some folks....

I had written awhile back about how me and Mr. XSLS had two frozen embryos left and I was undecided what to do with them.

Then we decided to go ahead and transfer them. Neither of us thought it would work. It hadn't worked the other three times, why now?

Well, one of 'em decided to settle in for the duration! So, I'm knocked up!

We will parent together and he goes to appointments with me and stuff.

Meanwhile I'm trying to make it to the end of the day because I hurled all over the bathroom floor a couple of hours ago. I feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better now though, whew!

That is all.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A love letter to...

...my baby.

I've seen and heard your heartbeat several times now and every time you show up on screen you squirm around like you're doing a little dance. Or you want us to leave you alone. Either way, you are definitely my child. LOL!

Your dad is excited, along with your Nana J, Nana B and PopPop. None of us thought this day would come so we're probably a little bit too much for you right now. It will calm down. Someday. Maybe not. You'll be OK though, nobody ever died from too much love.

When my stomach is hurting because I'm starving even though I just ate five minutes ago, I picture you like a little baby bird in there with your mouth opening and closing waiting for me to bring you food. Especially when, from day-to-day, you don't like the same thing so I am forever on the hunt for something that will stay IN my stomach and not end up in the toilet bowl (or all over the car. Long story, let's move on...)

OH! And I know you will love your doggy buddy, who is so kind and helpfully licks my leg when I'm retching in the bathroom.

Anyway, in a few months I will be holding you in my arms and as much as I can, I hope to write to you so that you will always know how much I love you.

Happy Valentine's Day! -- Mommy SLS

Friday, February 3, 2012

Day 3: #febphotoaday

This is my crazy hyper puppy licking my hand.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Day 2: #febphotoaday

I have always been a voracious reader. Weekly trips to the library with my mom were the best things ever. The librarians knew us and would put stuff aside they thought would interest me.



Right now I am reading several back issues of The New Yorker and the latest Walter Mosley novel

Day 1: #febphotoaday

OK I missed yesterday's post so I'm posting it today. I'll post day two a little later. This was my view this morning.




Wednesday, February 1, 2012

How old (or young) is too old (or too young)?

I was responding to a post over on Black 'N Bougie about age and dating when I realized I was blogging in her comments so I brought my thoughts on over here to my house.

When I was a sophomore in college my uncle -- my mother's older brother -- was dating a girl who had just graduated from my university. We had the same name, too. It was odd going to family functions and looking at this chick. Mostly cause I wondered why in hell she was hanging out with my uncle. He's got some paper stacked but he's always been pretty darn stingy (except with me, it's so nice being the favorite niece, LOL!).

But, I guess she just liked him because they are still friends today, she lives here in D.C. and when he visited me a couple of years ago, we went to visit her, her husband and kids and stuff. And when I think back on it, she was always very mature. I was a kid for a long time.

I remember hanging out with my aunt one night (she's 10 years older than me) and meeting this older guy (much older than my aunt). He was a school superintendent, had several degrees, was an Omega and was nice looking for an old man. All I could think was, he would be great for Mama SLS. Well, this dude was thinking, SLS would be great for me. He wanted to fly me in to visit him over my spring break (he lived in Ohio) and all this jazz and I couldn't get my head around it. I know plenty of people who would have gone and let him be a sugar daddy, but I've never been that way. I've always wanted to be in love, you know?

Last year was the first year I dated a man more than one or two years older than me. He was 46. He had adult children and just seemed real grown. He was also very respectful of me. I liked it.

Last year was also the first year I ever dated anyone younger than me. He was 33. He was real grown too. He was also very touchy feely let me squeeze on this, rub on that, which was kinda nice, too. Even celibate folks need some affection. LOL!

I think people should follow their hearts and if your heart leads you to someone much older or younger than you, well, so be it.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

HEY! I'm going to blog again!

I just stole this from @TiffanyNHouston and decided, I'll use it to get my blogging mojo back.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Incommunicado

I have a short attention span and wild imagination. If you are talking to me about something I have little to no interest in, you sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to me.

If you want me to do something, the best way to accomplish that goal is to write it down. Counting on me to remember the specifics of the ish you said is almost like you never told me. I wasn't listening. But, if it's written down, I can refer back to it and we're all good.

Plus, the beauty of writing it down means there is a paper trail we can both refer to later if needed. No, well "I said" this and "I thought you said" that confusion.

WRITE. IT. DOWN.

I work with at least one person who does not communicate in the way that I do. She likes to walk around with papers and lists she has created via our many electronic systems and ask a bunch of questions that I feel have been answered via the many electronic systems, since that is their purpose.

Recently, I told her to stop coming by my desk interrupting my blogging, tweeting and Facebooking (LOL!) to ask me questions that have already been answered via the electronic systems. For example, asking me if we are going to do a story. Was there anyone assigned to it in the electronic system? No? Then that's your answer. If I haven't assigned a producer to it, I don't have plans for my team to do it. No need to come ask me about it. No name, no do. It's really that simple.

Finally, if I email you a question that is fairly straightforward and rather than respond "yes" or "no" you pick up the phone and call me....you are dead to me.

But y'all already knew I was funnyactin', right?

How do you best communicate?

Monday, January 16, 2012

Words Can't Describe...

This song popped up in my iTunes rotation today for the first time in a loooooooooooooooong time.

 

It was the first dance song at my wedding. I loved the lyrics and (obviously) loved Sarah Vaughan so it seemed perfect for us. Anyway, give it a listen and have a great day.

Friday, January 13, 2012

My friend is hurting....


It's hard to listen to somebody you love tell you about how somebody else is hurting them. You want to fight on their behalf.

My friend is struggling in his marriage. His wife woke up one day (from his perspective) and decided she didn't want to be married because she didn't love him any more. She was no longer attracted to him.

I listened and pushed him to go for counseling. I never let a negative word come out of my mouth about his wife.

But for real, I wanna snatch the hair out of that chick's head. I didn't just meet him yesterday so I KNOW who he is at heart. He has always wanted to be a GREAT husband and a GREAT dad.

I want to tell her, bish, this brother is smart as hell, a great dad, successful in his career, nice looking, dresses well, has GREAT VALUES, and most importantly, he LOVES YOU and the family y'all have created. This dude is practically in tears on the phone with me trying to figure out how to make you happy and keep his family intact.

But, I can't do that. I don't know her side of the story. I'm his friend. Instead, I listen, I try to make him see it from her point-of-view or understand something she's said or did that he's agonizing over.

Sigh.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Stupid ... If I Had My Way

I've always liked this song:

 


And this one:

 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Gooooood Morning 2012!

I am at work today and give praises to God that I woke up this morning feeling happy and healthy. I wish the best of everything to all of my friends and family and I urge you to, as Jay-Z says, BALL SO HARD!

It's going to be a great year. Love ya!