"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Bluesing

I knew I would be randomly teary and upset for some time to come. I promised myself I would let that happen when it happened. 

But what's surprised me is, I miss my husband. I miss my marriage. I miss all the stuff I was promised in those vows. I miss the family we were sacrificing to have. 

I thought I was over all that shit?!! Sigh. 

And maybe it's because after I came home from the hospital, I slept in our old bed next to him and we watched TV and ate cookies like old times. Too many memories. 

I am very disappointed in my life right now, which is silly because it has been affected by things outside my control. 

I look ahead to the future and see....what? I close my eyes and I can see and almost smell my baby. 

I don't know. 


3 comments:

  1. Digal7043/13/2012

    You are going to go through a lot of emotions. Losing a baby is hard! I lost three and one of them I had to bury because of her age. I do have other children but I still miss those others and remember that pain! What you are feeling is almost impossible to describe. It's going to get better. When? I don't know but trust me it will. Just take each day as it comes. I did a support group and it helped. Please take care. I'm thinking of you. I pray this pain won't hurt much longer.

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  2. Mywhateva3/13/2012

    What about grief counseling? It addresses all kinds of loss. In the meantime, don't be too hard on yourself. The grass is not greener. The folks standing on the other side have their troubles, too. You just can't see them.

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  3. Deljah3/16/2012

    ((hugs)) to you and prayers going up.

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Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy