Someone I loved and admired passed away. I spent half the day crying at my desk and the other half crying at someone else's desk as we remembered good times with our friend and mourned the loss.
It wasn't unexpected and it was at the same time because part of my brain was in denial about how sick they were and refused to acknowledge death as an option. Too young, too vibrant, too strong, too talented, too much of every superlative you can think of for death to be an option.
I woke up early this morning feeling like I needed to do something to honor my friend and the life she isn't able to have. The days of just getting from one day to the next are over. A life is to be lived. I don't know what my purpose is but I going to do whatever I have to do to figure it out so I can get about it. YOLO indeed.
While I'm figuring out my purpose, I've decided to stop being a slug. It was OK to just lie around and feel sorry for myself over these last couple of years -- I needed to do that -- but there's no excuse for doing that now. The worst is behind me.
I've always wanted to live and work internationally and I'm going to make that happen. That's a long-term goal.
But I need to be about something RIGHT NOW. When I met my ex-husband (and before I started being a star to his planet), I was taking dance classes, acting classes, musical theater classes, working with a vocal coach and taking classes at the Writing Center. I just signed up for a one-day acting class for next Saturday (I'm also taking an art class next Saturday with the Usual Suspects, YAY!) which gets me started while I look at all the class offerings in the area and figure out which one(s) I want to enroll in for the fall.
The next thing is to join the gym at work. I am down 50 pounds, but I still have weight to lose before my numbers are where they should be (I've been focused on getting my C-reactive protein number to a healthy range. It was out of control, which is scary, but I've gotten it way down). Plus I need to build muscle and tighten things up. I also want to be strong and, once I work up the courage, I'll go back to Crossfit.
I sincerely hope all of you are doing what you should and could be doing to have a rich and fulfilled life today and every day, but if you're not, please don't put it off. Start right now.