"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Monday, September 30, 2013

The Long And Winding Road....

Hey! *waves* This post may be long and rambly, so I apologize in advance.

I read this statement yesterday and it gave me pause:
 "…in general people regret inactions rather than actions.  There's actually a whole field of study in social psychology related to this phenomenon.  It has to do with "counterfactual thinking. If you do something, you will know what the results were, for better or worse, and deal with it.  If you FAIL to do something, you always imagine it having the best possible outcome, and it becomes this idealized scenario in your mind."
Is this true for you?"

Back in December 2004, I decided I was moving to Paris. Why? Because. Just, because. Seriously, there was no real reason other than I've just always wanted to live in another country and I speak enough French to manage so, BAM, Paris it was. (yes, I have visited the city before, I wasn't going sight unseen)

I was so committed I told my parents and friends 'cause I wanted to talk it into life. I started preparing to go and had compiled a bunch of freelancing contacts, resources for African-American ex-pats, hairstylists, places to live and so on.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Who is your cheerleader?

Didn't mean to be away this long, but I was busy socializing, then I was traveling and then I couldn't get into the blog.

But anyway! Today I want to write about cheerleaders. Do you have one or more? I'm talking about people who are in your corner rooting for you to succeed. People who help boost your confidence when you stumble and start doubting yourself.

I can happily say that I have always had lots of cheerleaders -- my parents, my friends, my family. Folks have always believed in me. But in the past two years or so I've had one cheerleader that I didn't appreciate until recently: my high school boyfriend.

We haven't seen each other in person in years -- at least since I was in college -- but bumped into each other on a reunion site back when I was married (he was married too, at the time) and we caught up. He got divorced first and then my shit crashed and burned.

Now, let me be clear. We aren't hooking up. We haven't even talked on the phone more than once or twice. There's nothing going on here.

But when I told him my husband had cheated and that's why we aren't together, this man realized what a blow to my confidence and self-esteem that was and unbeknown to me, he made it his mission to tell me every day via text that I'm beautiful, hawt, sexy, desirable etc.

At first the texts made me uncomfortable. Then I got used to them, but just laughed them off. Then I started sending him pics (not sexy ones!) if I got a new wig or hairstyle and when I started losing weight. One day I realized that I looked forward to and appreciated his messages. Cause I AM beautiful, hawt, sexy, desirable and more.

I mentioned to him one day how his texts had really helped a few times when I was feeling fat, ugly and unlovable and that's when he told me that that's the reason he sends them. He remembered those months after his divorce when he was feeling like shit. He sought out lots of women to feel better, but knew I would not take the "get over one man by getting under another" route. So he sent me texts.

If you had ASKED me if I needed that kind of cheerleader, I would have scoffed and been all dismissive. But sometimes people in our lives know what we need before we know it. I needed those texts. Shit, I still need them. Thank goodness he knew what I didn't.

And I'm posting this cause it always makes me smile.