"There are notes between notes, you know." -- Sarah Vaughan

Monday, August 11, 2014

A Change Is Gon' Come

Well, in some areas of my life there have been great change and in others not so much. I'll hit the unchanged stuff real quick.

Despite months of talking to many many many many different outlets and people about various opportunities, I have not locked down a new job that I want. I'm not discouraged though, because opportunities continue to come my way. When the right one presents itself, I'll jump.

I lost a little bit of the weight I regained then gained that back and now I'm holding steady. I got sick over July 4 weekend and have yet to get back to 100 percent (medical folks are trying to figure out if it's just allergies or adult onset asthma), and that knocked the wind out of me and my weight loss efforts.

OK. On to the changes....I been datin'. I been datin'.

I wrote a post right after my birthday lamenting my dating struggles, and then I made up my mind I would focus on this area of my life. There has never been a time in my life when I decided I wanted something, put the work in and didn't net results.

Over the past four months I have met and been on dates with some several fellas. There's one man in particular I have been dating since late May. Things are moving slowly but seem headed in the direction of a relationship (I say "seem" because I'm still deciding if that's what I want both generally and specifically with this guy).

I also connected for a third -- and last -- time with the teacher (I've written about him here before, we met in early 2011, while I was separated. Also see boobcrumb-gate). All of my "what if" questions have been answered in more ways than one. I'm good on this for lyfe. But no regrets. #yolo

I have figured out a lot about myself and dating this summer. As I noted in my birthday post, I was encouraged by friends to shift from a zero tolerance policy to a three-strikes policy. I worked hard, with the help of my male BFF, to be more three strikes this summer and I think that led to me dating more. Staying chaste has helped with sussing out who was sincere and who was playing. Dudes my age without real intentions ain't really hanging out for long periods of time with someone they can't touch. And while you can't know everything about anyone, time is still the best way to separate the wheat from the chafe IMO.

The other thing that helps here is I am not afraid of being by myself and not afraid of being hurt. My husband hurt me deeper than anyone else ever. I loved him with everything in me. Before him I didn't know I could love anybody else like that. I married him. I carried (and lost) two of his babies and stuck long drug-filled needles in my ass to make them. So some random mofo I just met and went on a few dates with just doesn't have -- or get -- that kind of power over me. Not interested? KTHXBAI! On to the next. It just isn't that deep.

So, that's what's been popping off during my spring and summer. What's been going on with y'all?

And here's a bonus (yes, I know he explained this, but I still can't stop looking at it):

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Use your inside voice ... or I'll put you outside. -- SingLikeSassy